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Author Topic: SEX Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 02:05 PM                        Rated X A man,new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life.Satiated,the man asks the madam,"How much do I owe you?" The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation. Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment,and is again given two hundred dollars. The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars. "Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two hundreddollars.The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?" The madam smiles and says,"Tonight you weren't being filmed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-15-2003 09:16 PM                        Rated PG Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:45 PM                        Rated PG "My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-19-2003 06:49 AM                        Rated G Seen on a car: If you have sex the way you park, you'll never get it in!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-20-2003 06:59 AM                        Rated X Captain Silver Sex Game Shows * The Weakest Kink * Wheel of Torture * I've Got a Secretion * Let's Make You Squeal * You Bet Your Wife * Where in My Pants Is Carmen Electra? * Clapardy! * The Price is $100, Just Like in Town -- And No Kissing!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-20-2003 07:35 AM                        Rated X Captain Silver In 1890, a stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a Texan, a busty lady and a greenhorn from the East. The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you ten dollars for a blowjob." The Texan looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and shot the greenhorn between the running lights. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!" The Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! Just trying to keep down inflation. Around here, a blowjob goes for two dollars."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-30-2003 06:05 AM                        Tayed G Q: Why is a joke like sex? A: Neither is any good if you don't get it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2003 04:04 PM                        Rated G Question:What's the most important question to ask when you want to have safe sex? Answer:What time will your husband get home?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-02-2003 12:30 PM                        Rated XXX When Liam decided it was time for his friend Brendan to part with his virginity,he accompanied him to the local whorehouse and explained Brendan's condition to the madam. "Don't worry,my boy, we'll get a nice lass to take care of ye," she promised."Ye just do your part and make sure ye wear one of these." And the madam took a condom out of her drawer and rolled it down over her thumb by way of instruction. Brendan parted eagerly with his money and bounded up the stairs to Room 12,where a cheerful farm girl soon showed him the ropes. After he'd cum, a frown passed over her face. "The rubber must have torn," she muttered."I'm wet as the sea inside." "Oh no it didn't,Miss," Brendan cheerfully reassured her,holding up his thumb as evidence."It's good as new."  |  IP: Logged Kris Brunton Expert Film Handler Posts: 108 From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada Registered: Apr 2000 posted 06-03-2003 03:50 PM                     Rated R HER DIARY ********* Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home. I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. ********* HIS DIARY ********* Kinda tired today. Leafs lost. Got laid though.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 07:41 AM                        Rated X John finally got Jill into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby." Jill said. "Foreplay is an art." "You better get your canvas ready soon," John panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:21 AM                        Rated R After they had finished making love, the cowboy was telling the lady who'd picked him up about his days on the range. "It's the only life for me.In fact,I wantta die with my boots on." As they both heard a car,she said, "Well... better get 'em on Slick,that's the Sheriff, my husband."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:27 AM                        Rated G In a new sex survey they found that 8 percent of people had sex four or more times a week. Now here is the interesting part. That number drops to 2 percent when you add the phrase, "With partner."  |  IP: Logged Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 06-17-2003 11:49 AM                     Not So Fast Rated PG An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins, "How am I doing?" He asks. "Three knots," she replies, "Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting you money back."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 06:01 AM                        Rated PG WHAT SIZE CONDOM? A sixty year old man walks into a big drug store and walks up to the girl at checkout number 3. He asks her, "Do you guys have condoms here?" She says "Sure. What size are you?" "I don't know" he replies. "Well, just let me check" the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then she says over the intercom, "EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE 3 PLEASE. EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE 3." They bring the condoms and the man pays for them and leaves. Then, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to checkout #3. He asks the girl, "Do you sell condoms here?" The cashier replies, "Sure, but what size do you need?" He says "Well, I don't know." She says "Just let me check here." She unzips his pants, takes a couple of tugs and then says over the intercom, "LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE 3 PLEASE LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE 3." They bring the condoms and the man pays for them and leaves. Seeing this, a fifteen year old boy who hopes to get lucky goes up to the girl at checkout #3 and asks sheepishly, "Um, ah, do you guys sell any condoms here?" "Yep" she says. "What size do you need?" "I don't know" he says. She unzips his zipper for a feel, pauses and says over the intercom: "CLEAN UP IN AISLE 3 PLEASE. CLEAN UP IN AISLE 3."  |  IP: Logged

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