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Author Topic: SEX Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 07:07 AM                        Rated G Michele "I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil." -- Uri Geller  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 09:12 AM                        Rated X A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 09:16 AM                        Rated X This guy goes into a whore house and gives the lady at the front desk $500 and tells her that he wants a woman that can handle him. She replies, go down the hall and its the second door on the right. He does and just as they get started she starts screaming from the pain. He then marches back to the front desk and tell the woman that he said he wanted a woman that could handle him. She says, ok go down the hall and its the third door on the left. He does and once again the woman starts screaming just as they get started. Then he goes back to the front desk and she says I know I know you want a women that can handle you. She says, ok ok this time go all the way down the hall and down the stairs, there won't be any lights so just feel around til you hit something wet and stick it in. He does this and just as they get started nothing happens there isn't any screaming. Well he thinks, finally, this could work. As he gets into it he shouts "Oh yea, talk to me baby". She replies "MOOOOOO"!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 09:21 AM                        Rated X At a local college, there was a dance. A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too." A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too." Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 09:43 AM                        Rated R Condom Slogans 1. Cover your stump before you hump 2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12. If you go into heat, package your meat 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool 18. The right selection will protect your erection 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil 20. A crank with armor will never harm her 21. No glove, no love!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-31-2003 09:15 AM                        Rated G Michele A guy and a girl are having sex when they both decide that they need to get some food, It was freezing in the house so they have an argument over who should go get the food and drink. After a while they decide to have a contest.. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.. They both think for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one: Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine". So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay, I got one too: Two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 01:24 PM                        Rated G Michele Let me assure you that sex over sixty can indeed be both deadly and very dangerous. I strongly recommend pulling over to the curb first!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 03:01 PM                        Rated G Michele It's an ALL SEX installment of trivia! An "agalmatophiliac" is someone who has a fetish for statues or mannequins. The average bra is designed to last for 180 days of use. "Oculolinctus" is a fetish in which people are sexually aroused by licking a partner's eyeball. President Lyndon Johnson nicknamed his penis "Jumbo." The male gypsy moth can "smell" a virgin female gypsy moth almost two miles away. Black women are 50 percent more likely than white women to have an orgasm during sex. During an 18-year study at the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies, the most orgasms recorded during a one-hour period were 134 for a female and 16 for a male. According to a study by Niagara Spray Starch, 46 percent of men and 34 percent of women do their ironing while naked. In ancient Greece, young aristocratic women were deflowered by having their hymen pierced by a stone penis before marrying. According to one study, 25 percent of Americans claim they would sleep with their boss. There has never been a sex change operation performed in Ireland. Ninety percent of movies released in the United States are porn films. Studies show that the higher the level of education, the more men tend to have wet dreams. According to Playboy, the most popular sexual aid is erotic literature. What do Alan Alda, Prince William, Billy Idol, Marlon Brando, Pierce Brosnan, Bill Cosby, Ron Howard and Jesse Jackson have in common? They're all uncircumcised. A female orgasm has been determined to be a powerful painkiller. Sixteen percent of people in Japan have had sex in a car, compared to 80 percent of Americans. The vagina and the eye are self-cleaning organs. A "frotteur" is a person who becomes sexually aroused by rubbing against strangers (often in crowds). Seventy percent of Dutch women say their first sexual experience occurred while "under the influence."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 06:59 AM                        Rated R "When my sugar daddy dies," confided Justine to Janie, "I inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Janie. "No, testicles..." said Justine, "I've got him by the balls."  |  IP: Logged Nathan Wade Film Handler Posts: 4 From: Gainesville, GA, USA Registered: Feb 2003 posted 08-21-2003 04:11 PM                     I heard that Paul Rueben is staring in a new xxx version of Willy Wonka... Think about....  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 06:06 AM                        Rated PG Sue Bee A young boy knows about sex and where babies come from because his mother told him that "The man puts his penis inside the woman and she gets pregnant." A few days later, after pondering this for some time, the boy asks in all the innocence and wonder of a child,"Does the man ever get his penis back??"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 10:37 AM                        Rated R Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to see a man enjoy himself. Men like the lights on so they can get the woman's name right. That explains why bisexuals prefer sex under strobe lights.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 12:18 PM                        Rated G Lynn: Did you know there are serial numbers on condoms? Bill: No I did not know that. Lynn: Oh, sorry. I forgot, you don't need to roll them down that far.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 08:29 AM                        Rated R Captain Silver Being premature ejaculators has its advantages.We made 10 phone sex calls last month,and our total bill is just five dollars.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 02:55 PM                        Rated R Michele Have you heard about the new orgasm pill just approved by the FDA for women? It comes with a 12 inch applicator.  |  IP: Logged

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