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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2007 09:09 AM                        Rated G A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2007 12:38 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I stressed to my twelfth grade class the need to present themselves positively in their letters of application for employment. One of my students took my words to heart. Instead of the customary "Yours Truly" or "Sincerely," she wrote "Eventually Yours."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2007 02:07 PM                        Rated G Gerry For years Pensacola, Florida, crossing guard Dale Rooks had tried everything he could think of, including waving his hands and yelling, to get drivers to slow down in front of the school, but nothing worked. So one day he got an old hair dryer and covered it with gray duct tape so that it looked like a radar gun, then started pointing it at speeders. "People are slowing down, raising their hands at me apologetically," he says. "It's amazing how well it works." Fifth graders at his school later raised money to buy Rooks a real radar gun. Rooks remarked that it "looks just like a hair dryer."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2007 02:08 PM                        Rated G Betsy A woman went down to an adult education center to see what classes were offered. She found one that sounded interesting. "Are there any spaces left in the self-motivation class?" she asked. "I'm sorry", said the receptionist. "That course was canceled. No one signed up." [ 01-12-2007, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 08:05 AM                        Rated G Betsy I teach second grade in Indianapolis. At the beginning of the year one little girl's family moved to Iowa. We were having a going away celebration for her and the kids were asking questions about her new school and her new house. One little boy with wide eyes asked, "What language do they speak in Iowa?" It just reminds me how big the world really seems to a second-grader.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 01:33 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Our first child, a son, was born during a week when I was busy preparing report cards. I attended his birth and went back later to visit. As I looked through the nursery glass, I was proud to find an A+ beside his name on the bassinet. I told my wife she must have done very well to get an A+. After being momentarily puzzled, she smiled and explained: "That's my blood type, dear. 'A positive'!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 01:56 PM                        Rated G Lorraine As my second grade class was sitting down to lunch, one boy announced he had no spoon for his pudding. Not wanting to leave the rest unattended, I gave him careful directions to the staff room, reminding him to be polite and to say please and thank you. As he was going out the door he said, “I don't understand it: How could Mom forget a spoon for my pudding? She didn't forget one for my macaroni.” [ 01-12-2007, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-17-2007 08:33 AM                        Rated G B.B. Mrs. Scheck, asked her 5th grade history class, "When was Rome built?" and called on Timothy to answer first. "Rome was built at night." was his answer. "At night?" asked Mrs. Scheck, holding her ruler firmly in her hands. "How ever did you get such an idea?" "Well," gulped the student, hoping his answer would satisfy her, "everyone knows Rome wasn't built in a day."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2007 07:42 AM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. Subject: Mathematical Equation This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G +19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127% So,one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top! If I may add one more equation: W-H-O Y-O-U K-N-O-W 23+8+15+25+15+21+11+14+15+23 = 170%  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2007 07:49 AM                        Rated G Lorraine The question on a test I had given to my eighth grade students read: "Find x: x+17=32." On a technicality, however, I had to mark one confused student's answer correct: She had found and carefully drawn a circle around x.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-23-2007 10:56 AM                        Rated G B.B. It was my first year of teaching tenth-graders geometry, and I was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, I asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-25-2007 10:04 AM                        Rated G B.B. Collected Comments of College Students He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high. Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up! His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame. This class was a religious experience for me ... I had to take it all on faith. Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material. Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose - spraying in all directions - no way to stop it. I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2007 01:50 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My mom is a sixth-grade teacher. I was on the bus one day and realized two of her former students were sitting right behind me. As we came to my house, we could see big black circles of ashes where my dad had burned the leaves that had fallen. “What are those?” asked one of the boys, pointing to the circles. “Probably detention students,” his friend replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-04-2007 08:55 AM                        Rated G Lulu As an instructional assistant for a public school, part of my job involves teaching small groups of children. One day I was in charge of some second-graders, who were con- centrating on their artwork. As I reached across to help a student, he remarked that something smelled good. I was pleased that he noticed my perfume, until he held a wide felt-tip pen up to his nose and said, "Yep. New markers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-06-2007 09:09 AM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. Children Writing About The Sea 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. ( Wayne age 7) 4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) 5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6) 7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7) 8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6) 9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age>6) 10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7) 11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) 12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8) 13) One holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)  |  IP: Logged

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