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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 10:49 AM                        Rated G B.B. The teacher asks her class to give her a sentence about a public servant. A small boy raises his hand right away, so the teacher calls on him."The fireman came down the ladder pregnant," the boy says. The teacher immediately took the lad aside to correct him. "Do you know what pregnant means?" she asks. "Sure," replies the boy confidently. "It means 'carrying a child.' "  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 03:44 PM                        Rated G Lorriane During course-change period, my 75-year-old father requested that a typing course be added to his already full schedule. When asked if he really needed another course in addition to the Spanish, chemistry, mathematics, geography and physics he was already signed up for, he replied: "Yes, indeed. When I saw all those interesting subjects, I signed up for them and forgot I only came here in the first place to take the typing course."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2006 04:10 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My father went enthusiastically to the three-hour seminar on memory improvement. After an hour he slipped out. He had taken the same course, given by the same teacher, the previous year.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2006 07:52 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I bumped into a former student of mine. She was struggling up the stairs complaining about the lack of elevators in the building. During our conversation she mentioned that she was taking the same course as the one I was teaching and added that she wished she were in my class. Flattered by the compliment, I asked, "What's wrong with your teacher?" "Nothing," she replied. "Your classroom's on the second floor; my teacher's is on the fifth."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2006 02:58 PM                        Rated G Sally THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2006 07:06 AM                        Rated G Quirk "True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." --Kurt Vonnegut  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2006 02:00 PM                        Rated G ACTUAL SCHOOL ABSENCE EXCUSES FROM PARENTS (SUPPOSEDLY)-- INCLUDING SPELLING. *My son is under a doctor's care today and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. *Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. *Dear School: Please ekscuse John for being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. *Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. *Please excuse Roland frrom P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. *John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. *Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. *Megan could not come to school today because she has been botheres by very close veins. *Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. *Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre, dyrea, direathe, the shits. *Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. *Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. *Please excuse Jim for being. It was his father's fault. *I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. *Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. *Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. *My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. *Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. *Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. *Please excuse brenda, she has been sick and under the doctor.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2006 08:00 AM                        Rated G Jerry The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a huge amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years!'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2006 08:04 AM                        Rated G Betsy A boy came home from school looking forlorn. His mother asked why. Her son replied, "Today when I told my teacher I was an only child, she said, thank goodness!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2006 09:17 AM                        Rated G Chris The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 08:46 AM                        Rated G Tips on Love (by kids, 5 - 10 years of age): What is the proper age to get married? "Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all the time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8) What do most people do on a date? "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kathy, 9) Is it better to be single or married? "It's better for girls to be single but not for boy's. Boy's need someone to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9) "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble.: (Kenny, 7) Concerning why love happans between two particular people. I think your supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlan, 8) On what falling in love is like. If Falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7) On the role of good looks in love. "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9) Concerning why lover's often hold hands. They want to make sure that their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8) Some sure fire ways to make a person fall in love with you. "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9) How can you tell if two adults eating dinnerat a restaurant are in love? "Lovers will just be staringat each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about their food." (Dave 8) How a person learns to kiss. "It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9) When is it ok to kiss someone? "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:59 AM                        Rated G In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?" The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well." "Why is that?" Asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 10:17 AM                        Rated G Betsy I know that a lot of you envy teachers, but any teacher will tell you that ten weeks in the summer is not nearly enough time to allow their eardrums to heal. I know that a lot of you envy teachers, but any teacher will tell you that ten weeks in the summer is not nearly enough time to allow their eardrums to heal. I know that a lot of you envy teachers, but any teacher will tell you that ten weeks in the summer is not nearly enough time to allow their eardrums to heal.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 08:46 AM                        Rated G Betsy Principal: "Are there any abnormal kids in your class?" Teacher: "Yes, there are two with good manners."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-06-2006 12:45 PM                        Rated G B.B. When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.  |  IP: Logged

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