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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 07:23 AM                        Rated G Betsy As a teacher, I know that kindergarten has always been a place to learn important lessons. So, one day when I was visiting the school where my husband was the principal. I went to discover the place of wonder the kindergarten class. There, I noticed a little girl busily slapping paint on an easel. To my eye, her creation seemed to be nothing more that a big red blob. "Tell me about your painting." I said. The young artist stopped painting. She backed away from the easel and gave her work a careful look. Then she heaved a heavy sigh and exclaimed, "It's a turkey!" After what seemed an eternity, she added. "And tomorrow, I'm going to put the skin on it!"  |  IP: Logged Dieter Depypere Master Film Handler Posts: 343 From: Deutsch-Wagram, Lower Austria, Austria Registered: May 2005 posted 01-12-2006 02:48 PM                     Rated PG Teacher: "Now let's learn something about economy!" - Unfortunately the bell rings so the kids are free. Teacher: "Ok kids, you may leave but ask your parents for an explanation for economy. So we have a head start tomorrow." Timmy goes home and asks his dad: "Dad, can you explain me economy?" - "Sure son! Just look at our family. Mom is the absolute ruler at home. She is organising things and stuff. So she is the GOVERNMENT. I work and bring some money home, so I am the CAPITAL. Our maid is working here at home; cooking, washing, cleaning and stuff. She is the WORKING CLASS. You are the YOUTH and your 10 month old brother is the FUTURE. Got it?" Ok so they all go to sleep. But Timmy wakes up because his brother is screaming. He checks him and sees that the future has placed some poo in his drapes. So he wants to get the maid to get new drapes fixed, but when he enters the door, he sees the capital the working class. So he wants to get Mom instead. But she is ill, took some medicaments and cannot be woken up. So he applies new drapes to his brother and goes to bed. Next day at school. Teacher: "So did you ask your parents?" - Timmy: "Economy can be compared to a family. If the capital is raping the working class, and the government is sleeping, the youth has to get the future out of the shit!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 07:14 AM                        Rated G LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 11:51 AM                        Rated G Betsy When the pupils were assigned the task of writing an essay on "the most beautiful thing I ever saw," the least esthetic young man in class handed in his paper first. "The most beautiful thing I ever saw was too beautiful for words."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 11:58 AM                        Raterd G B.B. A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium went out. He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as they had all complied, the lights went on again. He then said, "Prove wisdom of Old Chinese saying: 'Many hands make light work.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 11:50 AM                        Rated G Rob Roy I was walking through the Education building at college and I noticed someone had written "Jesus Saves!" on the community posting board in huge letters. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that someone else had written, "...and Greztky scores on the rebound!!" right below it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:27 PM                        Rated G Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat did the United States export? Smiling confidently, he wrote, "In 1492, none."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:29 PM                        Rated G Classes starting today W.I.C.O.E. (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include: DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics) DISHES & SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts. REMOTE CONTROL Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER Online class and role playing HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE Bring your calendar or PDA to class GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:36 PM                        Rated G A primary school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a rather large Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "I think they use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No way," said another, "I reckon he's just for good luck." The third kid brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-19-2006 08:55 AM                        Rated G Andrew Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why not pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as Prohibition, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-22-2006 03:00 PM                        Rated G Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get for not reading it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2006 10:56 AM                        Rated G B.B. Why Math is Taught in School....by a random male I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life is Dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one Female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip one off? ..I think not.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 09:30 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti George: Would you yell at me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Certainly not. George: Good, because I didn't do my homework.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 10:28 AM                        Rated G Quirk "I have a hunch that university costs are going to increase yet again. Call it in-tuition."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2006 05:10 PM                        Rated G Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Georgia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!  |  IP: Logged

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