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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 08:20 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti There's hardly a week when our neighbors son doesn't come home from school with a note demanding a good excuse for his presence.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 09:01 AM                        Rated G Little Sally came running in from school. "Mommy! Mommy! At show and tell, Billy showed us something that's six inches long, has two nuts, and can make me very fat!" Gasping, the woman said, "Sally! What on earth did he show you?" The girl replied, "An Almond Joy!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 09:07 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I was teaching a student in my vocational class the proper way to use a wrench. I told him to think of his watch: clockwise to install a nut, counterclockwise to remove it. "But sir," he said after a moment of silence, "I wear a digital."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 09:56 AM                        Rated G Spaz A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-09-2006 08:38 AM                        Rated PG Lorraine Our city-bred teacher brought some eggs into class in our country school and told us we'd soon witness the hatching of our own chicks. We watched in anticipation after they were settled in their nest of straw under lamps, but by the weekend they still hadn't hatched. We arrived back on Monday morning full of curiosity, hoping we had chicks. We didn't, and they were now overdue. Later that day we overheard our teacher discussing the situation with his colleague, who suggested they might be dead. "I don't understand how," our teacher said. "I even took them home on the weekend and kept them in the fridge so they wouldn't spoil."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-09-2006 09:43 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices a hottie behind him. She raises her hand and smiles to him. He is taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do you know me?" She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children." His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful to his wife. "Holy crap," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party?!?!" "No," she replies, "I'm your son's History teacher."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-09-2006 10:17 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I was helping out with registration at the high school for adults where I teach. A man came in to register for courses that semester. "Are you a new student to this school or have you been here before?" I asked. "I'm a returning student," he answered. "So you were here last semester?" I asked. "Oh, no," he said, confused. "I was here this morning."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:09 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom, Gregory, had just started school. A teacher commented to Gregory that she couldn't believe he was already in first grade and asked what his mother did all day now that the three boys were in school. "Cartwheels," Gregory answered.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:48 AM                        Rated G B.B. The teacher told the kids to draw a grassy meadow and a cow eating the grass. By the end of the hour, all the kids had some more or less artistic rendering of that topic, except for Judy. Judy had a blank page. So the teacher asked, "Where is your grass?" Judy answered: "The cow ate it all." Then the teacher asked: "Where is the cow?" Judy answered: "When there was no grass left, the cow walked away"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:06 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti On high school reunions: Don't go if you've never gone. You get that letter in the mail. You feel like you only have six months to make something of yourself. ~Drew Carey~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 08:55 AM                        Rated G Betsy At graduation time, millions of graduates go out to seek their fortunes, while millions of parents try to rebuild theirs.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 09:01 AM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. This is really cute. Almost better than a cup of coffee to start your morning.... If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to d rink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.go., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts---the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. (I do love this one...) Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:13 PM                        Rated G Lorraine One eighth grade student, after he had missed school, handed in a note from his mother. It read: "Please excuse Harry for being absent for the past three days. He had the 24-hour flu."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:42 PM                        Rated G A primary school teacher asks her class: "What vegetable makes your eyes water?" Little Jimmy raises his hand and says: "A pumpkin." "No" says the teacher, " I think you mean an onion Jimmy." "You've obviously never been hit in the buttocks by a pumpkin Miss," came the reply.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 02:25 PM                        Rated G A teacher asked a pupil if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "My dad taught me" What comes after four?" she asked. "Five," answered the boy. "What comes after five?" "Six," he said. "Your father has done a good job, but just to be sure, what comes after ten?" "Jack!" beamed the boy.  |  IP: Logged

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