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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-15-2005 11:24 AM                        Rated G Gerry College prepares the young adult for the business world. It teaches one how to sit and look interested for fifty minutes.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-17-2005 12:12 PM                        Rated G Lorraine A parent came to our school office to speak to the principal. Advised he was away for a few days, she asked, "Then may I speak to whomever is covering up for him?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-17-2005 12:33 PM                        Rated G A visiting speaker was impressed by the enthusiasm our Christian school students showed in their physical education class. "I exercise, too," he sighed, faintly smiling at our pastor. "Every morning I awaken to the alarm, jump from bed, and run around the block six times." As our pastor expressed surprise and offered hearty praise, the man continued, "Then I kick the block under the bed and go back to sleep."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-18-2005 03:16 PM                        Rated G While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-19-2005 09:54 AM                        Rated G Ralph Teacher: “why are you always late for school?” Student: “ because you always ring the bell before I get here!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2005 10:00 AM                        Rated G A friend asked a few of us how to organize his final university report for the year. One of us suggested he use Roman numerals to head the different sections. "I thought of that," he said, "but my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 03:01 PM                        Rated G The Right Way To Spell Potato If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH stands for O as in Dough If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour If TTE stands for T as in Gazette If EAU stands for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 09:41 PM                        Rated G A UNC student's English prof paid a visit to his house one day. When the student opened the door, he asked "Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?" "They was in, but they is out." he answered. The UNC English prof. gasped, "Why, Mr. Morton, it is 'They were in, they are out.' Where's your grammar?" "She's upstairs taking her nap."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-06-2005 06:30 AM                        Rated G On a trip to the fire station, I was accompanying a class of six- year-olds who were learning about fire prevention. When we were ready to leave, the firemen quizzed the children about what they had learned. One by one the children were asked questions, and then the last child was asked, "What would you do if your clothes were on fire?" After a moment's hesitation, the child replied, "I wouldn't put them on."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-07-2005 07:03 AM                        Rated G The English teacher came over to little Billy's house to see why he was absent from school. "I'd like to see your mother," the teacher asked the little boy. "She ain't here," the boy answered. The English teacher said, "Why, Billy, where's your grammar"" Billy replied, "She ain't here neither."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-07-2005 07:12 AM                        Rated G A teacher in a one-room Southern State schoolhouse arrives one morning to find a nice red apple on her desk with a tag tied to it saying T.O.T. Knowing that she had some not-so-nice pranksters in her class, she cautiously asked "Can someone explain what T.O.T. means?" Mary-Lou in the front row raised he hand to explain it means "To Our Teacher." The next morning the teacher finds a bigger and prettier apple than the day before.This time there is a tag with T.O.T.W.L. written on it. She asks for an explanation for this note and little Billy-Bob waves his hand to explain "That means "To Our Teacher With Love." The next morning she arrives to find a great big watermelon sitting on her desk with a tag saying "F.U.C.K." Her jaw drops and she screams "Who can explain this?" Little Buckwheat in the back row raises his hand and says, that means "From Us Colored Kids!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-07-2005 10:05 AM                        Rated G After a particularly gruelling economics exam, my classmates and I were gathered in the lecture hall for a postmortem of the test. Wanting to be completely fair, the professor asked if anyone had felt short of time to complete the test. One young fellow stirred, which prompted the professor to ask, "Were you strapped for time?" "No," he sighed. "I was strapped for knowledge."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 09:11 AM                        Rated G While I was attending university, I spent three summers as an air- force flight cadet. In my final year, I taught a class in supply procurement, and a student would always clean off the blackboard after it was covered with notes. When I started teaching at the local high school, I eventually gave up trying to get one of my students to help in the same way. One day I stayed after class and filled the entire blackboard with complicated chemical equations and notes, ready for the next day's lesson. I arrived in the morning to a beaming eleventh grade class and spotlessly clean blackboards.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 09:49 AM                        Rated G Ken I was standing in the chemistry laboratory and was carefully decanting a solution from an Erlenmeyer flask into a test tube, holding both up to eye level. I'm afraid I have always had something of a prominent abdomen and in the stance I then had assumed, it was particularly noticeable. One of the lab technicians, a very thin girl, found this amusing. Lifting a long glass rod she aimed it at my abdomen, spear-fashion, and said, "I'm going to let all the air out of you, so you'll look more like a man." And I said, "Fine, and use that air to pump up your chest, so you'll look more like a woman."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 12:36 PM                        Rated G On a snowy day on campus, a message came over the intercom: "Will the students who parked on Elm Street move their cars so we can plow?" Twenty minutes later came another message: "Will the three hundred students who went to move thirty cars now return to classes?"  |  IP: Logged

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