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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2003 09:49 AM                        Rated G The driving instructor was giving lessons to Jill, but she was an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road, and Jill remained completely calm. "This time you're doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor. "Yep" Jill agreed. "Now when I see another car coming, I just shut my eyes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2003 01:36 PM                        Rated G Baby Blues A couple of little girls were playing on the playground at kindergarten. One suggested to the other that they play house. "Okay," said the other, "I will be the wife and you can be the ex-wife."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 07:34 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee NEW MATH? A little boy was teaching a little girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once;he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said,"Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her,she kissed him,without an explanation. And both together smiled and said,"That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said,"That's long division!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 03:49 PM                        Rated G A backwoodsman dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the redneck. "This here's my son, Arthur.Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic - algebra, geometry, and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried thedelighted backwoodsman. "That's JUST what my boy needs. He's the worst shot in the family."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2003 11:55 AM                        Rated G Michele A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, "What are you doing, wearing a football jersey?" She replied, "Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn't I wear it?" He said, "You're not supposed to wear it unless you've made the team." "Oh," she replied sweetly, "Who did I miss?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2003 02:23 PM                        Rated G At LAX Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher,was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 08:47 AM                        Rated G A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actuallydone by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading thesekeep in mind that these are first graders... 6 year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 1. Better to be safe than...............punch a 5th grader. 2. Strike while the ...................bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the power of............termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but...........how? 6. Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty. 7. No news is..................................impossible. 8. A miss is as good as a......................Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new..............math. 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust.............................me. 12. The pen is mightier than the................pigs. 13. An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax. 14. Where there is smoke, there's.................pollution. 15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is............................not much. 17. Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed. 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..........you have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you..... see in the picture on the box. 24. When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way. 25. Better late than...............pregnant  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 12:16 PM                        Rated G First grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice, "What did you do at recess?" Alice says, "I played in the sand box." Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Little Johnny what he did at recess. Little Johnny says, "I played with Alice in the sandbox." Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." Little Johhny tired of being in trouble all the time does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Alice and Little Johnny, but he threw rocks at my head." Teacher says, "Threw rocks at your head? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 12:18 PM                        Rated G In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair. "Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up." "I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 07:56 AM                        Rated G A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 03:38 PM                        Rated G It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural," she said."Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2003 02:10 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-30-2003 05:31 PM                        Rated PG I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much.Once I was outta there,I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events.Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks,got my current number and tracked me down. ' So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and running moonshine." They've never called back.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-03-2003 08:26 AM                        Rated G How Sad but True This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them what they were doing,and one of them hollered back,"We are shooting craps." She said,"That's all right.I was afraid you were praying."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-03-2003 08:27 AM                        Rated G How Sad but True This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them what they were doing,and one of them hollered back,"We are shooting craps." She said,"That's all right.I was afraid you were praying."  |  IP: Logged

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