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Author
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Topic: Education
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-12-2002 11:33 AM
Rated G  EducationOur teacher talks to herself does yours ? Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening ! Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ? Pupil: I did, I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you ! Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission ! Teacher: Will you stop looking at the clock at the wall and pay attention Time will pass, but will you ! I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory When did this start ? When did what start ! When I was you age I thought nothing of walking five miles to school I agree, I don't think much of it myself ! Be sure that you go straight home I can't, I live just round the corner ! Playing truant from school is like a credit card Fun now, pay later ! Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone ! 
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-12-2002 12:24 PM
Rated G Geography Jokes "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !" Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick ! What are the small rivers that run into the Nile ? The juve-niles ! Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river ? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see ! Teacher: What are the Great Plains ? Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16 ! Teacher: Where is the English Channel ? Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things ! Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor ? Pupil: Because it can't sit down ! Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated ? Class: No, there are not many Laps to the mile ! Name an animal that lives in Lapland ? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer !
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-12-2002 08:17 PM
Rated G Alex
A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The Jewish people have observed their 5,759th year as a people. Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only observed their4,692nd year as a people.
"Now, what does it mean to you?" After a moment of silence, a student raised his hand. "Yes, David," the teacher said, "what does it mean?" David replied,"It means that the Jews had to suffer without
Chinese food for 1,067 years."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-22-2002 07:17 PM
Rated PG ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten !
Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening !
Teacher: Why were you late ?
Pupil:Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: You mean you need to sleep at home too !
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it !
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !
Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between ! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-06-2002 02:06 PM
Rated G
Dedicated to Students Who Have Exams Before the Holiday's Good Luck!
ODE TO FINALS WEEK
Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreaded exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
Her spirit was careless, her manner was mellow,
She wore a white toga, she started to bellow:
"What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?"
"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On last year's exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and last minute crams!"
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy finals to all, and to all, a good test!"
~Unknown
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