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Author
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Topic: Education
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-16-2003 06:12 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jewish man who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son Morris to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it was a great school and completely secular.
After a month, the boy came home and said casually, "By the way, Dad, I learned what Trinity means! It means 'The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.'"
The father could barely control his rage. He seized his son by the shoulders and declared, "Morris, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. Forget this Trinity business. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-22-2003 11:59 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
This is a list of comments from test papers,essays,etc.,
submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior
high, high school,and college students.It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.The spellings are the original ones.
1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube.
3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide.
4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin
is pure gin.Hydrogin is water and gin.
5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can old.
6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
10. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against
insects.
11. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it is.
12. To remove dust from the eye,pull the eye down over the nose.
13. For a nosebleed:Put the nose much lower that the heart
until the heart stops.
14. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it
drops in your throat.
15. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
16. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.All water tends towards the moon,because there is no water on the moon,and nature abhors a vacuum.I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
17. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
These are being added on 5-1-03
The following are all answers written by children taking exams
1. "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
2. "H3O is hot water, and CO3 is cold water"
3. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
4. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
5. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
6. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
7. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
8. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
9. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
10. "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
11. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
12. "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
13. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
14. "The body consists of three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five -- a, e, i, o, and u."
15. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
16. "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
17. "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
18. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
19. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in his fight."
20. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
21. "Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
22. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
23. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
24. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."
25. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
26. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
27. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
28. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
29. "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
30. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
31. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
32. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
33. "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
34. "For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
35. "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
36. "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
37. "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
38. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."
39. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
[ 05-01-2003, 05:56 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-02-2003 01:16 PM
Rated G ![[Confused]](confused.gif) ![[eyes]](graemlins/eyes.gif) Lorraine
A professor was known for being an easy grader.The grades he
gave for a survey course (i. e. the type where you are expected
to learn generalities and not specifics) were based entirely on
two exams,and the stuff on the exams was entirely covered in the
textbook.So showing up for class wasn't a big deal.
However,this started to get out of hand.As word of the course spread,at each semester,there was a larger block of students who would show up infrequently or not at all,except for the exam days.
Finally,it got so bad that about half of the students one term never showed before the midterm.On the day of the midterm, everyone came in and a graduate assistant handed outexams, "Prof x. is sick,so he asked me to give you your exams."
There was only one question in the exam booklets: "Which one of the pictures below is of professor x?"
Obviously,the students who never showed up didn't know and had to guess.Many failed,while the students who had been showing up regularly got A's.
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