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Topic: Education
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-14-2003 03:37 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Out of the mouths of children
Children's Science Exam Answers*
* These are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit,sand,dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.All water tends to flow towards the moon,because there is no water on the moon,and nature hates a vacuum.I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old,so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature Death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g.,abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs,and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-16-2003 10:41 AM
Rated G Michele
In my high school civics class,the air conditioner didn't have
the vents to direct which way the air would blow for most of the
first semester,so everyone who sat in the back of the class would freeze,while the people sitting in the front were always hot.
One day, somebody in the back decided to take a stand against the teacher and declare the class to be cold. He stood up and
said,"Mrs. Barnes, it's cold in here. We need to turn the air
off."
Since this was a class that always had to argue, someone else
said "Turn it off?"
The first person,being the exceptionally bright student that he
was, retorted,"Yeah, off. O - F."
Then one of our other geniuses decided to pipe up and said, "I
would have laughed so hard if you had spelled that wrong."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-18-2003 07:58 AM
Rated G Lorraine
A THIRD GRADERS EXPLANATION OF GOD
Written by Danny Dutton, age 8,from Chula Vista, California,for his third grade homework assignment to "Explain God."
One of God's main jobs is making people.He makes them to replace
the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of
things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups,just babies.I think
because they are smaller and easier to make.That way,He doesn't
have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk.He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers.An awful lot of this goes on,since some people,like preachers and things,
pray at times besides bedtime.God doesn't have time to listen to
the radio or TV because of this.Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears,unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy.So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God.I don't think there
are any in Chula Vista.At least there aren't any who come to our
church.Jesus is God's Son.He used to do all the hard work like
walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the
people who didn't want to learn about God.They finally got tired
of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him.But He was good
and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't
know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.
His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore,He could stay in heaven.So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary only more important.You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.
You should always go to Church on Sunday because it makes God
happy,and if there's anybody you want to make happy,it's God.
Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach.This is wrong! And,besides,the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you don't believe in God,besides being an atheist,you will be
very lonely,because your parents can't go everywhere with you,
like to camp,but God can.It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you.I figure
God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.
And that's why I believe in God."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-20-2003 07:04 AM
Rated G Alex
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was not a God.
He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off
this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am
God, I'm still waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240-pound
football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the
professor said.
The football player walked in the classroom and in the last
minute,he walked up, hit the professor full force,and sent him
flying off the platform.
The professor got up,obviously shaken and said,"Where did you
come from,and why did you do that?"
The football player replied,"God was busy; He sent me!"
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