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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 06:48 AM                        Rated G Lorraine TEACHER: What time do you get up in the morning ? STUDENT: About an hour and a half after I arrived at school.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 06:50 AM                        Rated G Lorraine MOTHER: How do you like your new teacher? SON: I don't. She told me to sit in the front of the classroom for the present and then she didn't give me one!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 06:51 AM                        Rated G Lorraine FIRST GRADER: I'm not going back to school tomorrow! MOTHER: Why not? FIRST GRADER: Well I've been there a whole day, I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk, so what's the use?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 06:53 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I'm really glad you named me Fred, Dad. Why is that? Because when I got to school that's what everybody called me!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 12:06 PM                        Rated G Michele A Cuban was in a Miami classroom reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Teacher?" asked the little girl,"Please, does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No my child." sighed the teacher."But it should... it should."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-04-2003 07:32 AM                        Rated G : Michele The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod..." That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-04-2003 10:48 AM                        Rated G Sam Hear about the teacher who was in a car wreck? He was grading papers on a curve.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-10-2003 06:21 AM                        Rated G B.B. At his request,each morning three-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel became a brilliant magic blue and red cape. And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades.He was Superman. This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class.During the course of the interview,the teacher asked Ray his name. "Superman," he answered politely and without pause. The teacher smiled,cast an appreciative glance at his mother,and asked again,"Your real name, please." Again,Ray answered, "Superman." Realizing the situation demanded more authority,or maybe to hide amusement,the teacher closed her eyes for a moment,then in a voice quite stern,said,"I will have to have your real name for the records." Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher,Ray slid his eyes around the room,hunched closer to her,and patting a corner of frayed towel at his shoulder,answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy,"Clark Kent."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-12-2003 10:07 AM                        Rated G B.B. A teacher was asking her class:"What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok,answer,Joan," said the teacher. "'Unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't allow and 'Illegal' is a sick eagle."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-14-2003 06:02 AM                        Rated G Birllaint.... Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-14-2003 09:01 AM                        Rated G Michele An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?" "Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-14-2003 09:34 AM                        Rated G Sally This happened at school this week. A little first grader was so busy playing at noon recess that he forgot about going potty and wet himself. The teacher sent him to the office to call for a change of clothing. When asked if his Mom or Dad should be called the little boy answered,"lets call my mom,because,you know,she knows more stuff."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-16-2003 05:49 AM                        Rated PG Dennis in Yonkers Did you have a childhood dream similar to this???? A teacher asked her class "What do you want out of life"? A little girl in the back raised her hand and said "All I want out of life is four animals". The teacher asked "really and what four animals would that be"? The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-16-2003 06:59 AM                        Rated G B.B. The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson."Worker ants," she told them,"can carry pieces of food five times their own weight.What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-16-2003 08:55 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A COLLECTION OF STATEMENTS FROM FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADE SCIENCE PAPERS: Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. To most people solutions mean finding the answers.But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up. You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit.If you don't hear it you got hit,so never mind. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope,we find there are twice as many H's as O's. Clouds are high flying fogs.  |  IP: Logged

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