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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-29-2003 01:45 PM                        Rated G Freeloader The teacher of the biology class called on the gorgeous coed to draw a picture of male genitalia on the chalk board. She procedded to draw it with a full erection. The teacher said "We're not that far along into the study yet, draw it the other way." The coed replied "What other way?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-30-2003 06:45 PM                        Rated G Engineering the Human Body Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body.The first one said,"It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has allthose levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that." The second one said,"No,it had to have been an electrical engineer.The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer." Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer.Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-16-2003 09:56 AM                        Rated G Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection: To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1 To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2 To complain about what we do - Press 3 To cuss out staff members - Press 4 To ask why you didn't get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you - Press 5 If you want us to raise your child - Press 6 If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8 To complain about bus transportation - Press 9 To complain about school lunches - Press 0 If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's NOT the teacher's fault for your child lack of effort -HANG UP and HAVE A NICE DAY!!! [ 11-21-2003, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2003 07:35 AM                        Rated G Janine Professor: "This essay on your dog is,word for word,the same as your brother's." Student: "Yes, sir, it's the same dog"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-22-2003 03:44 PM                        Rated G B.B. "What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year. "He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" "He saws people in half." "Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?" "One half brother and two half sisters."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-24-2003 10:19 AM                        Rated G WhiteRabbit In the Lamaze childbirth classes I teach,the first hour is a lecture.During the second hour,the couples get on the floor to practice breathing and relaxation techniques. The lecture one evening was "Sex During Pregnancy." When I finished presenting the material,I asked if there were any questions. After waiting a moment,I tried to proceed -- only to be interrupted when the class burst out laughing.It took me a few seconds to realize what I'd said: "Okay,if there are no questions about sex during pregnancy, let's get down on the floor and practice."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-24-2003 10:41 AM                        Rated G B.B. Sign on high school bulletin board - "Free: every Monday through Friday. Knowledge... Bring your own container."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-27-2003 07:37 AM                        Rated G George in VA. The principal of my school was talking about the problems of our school. She said that statistically, 5-9 % of people caused the problems for other people. Then she said that the other 98 % of us weren't doing anything wrong.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2003 12:30 PM                        Rated G Janine The first-grader was talking about the recent fire in his school. "I knew it was going to happen," he said."We had been practicing for it all year."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2003 12:30 PM                        Rated G Janine The first-grader was talking about the recent fire in his school. "I knew it was going to happen," he said."We had been practicing for it all year."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-06-2003 02:47 PM                        Rated G Michele Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 10:28 AM                        Rated G B.B. It was his first year of teaching Freshman Math, and the prof was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, he asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2003 09:19 AM                        Rated G GOD IS LIKE......... A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideasabout God. Here are some of the results: BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles. a FORD He's got a better idea. COKE He's the real thing. HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best. TIDE He gets the stains out that others leave behind. GENERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life. SEARS He has everything. ALKA-SELTZER Try him, you'll like Him. SCOTCH TAPE You can't see him, but you know He's there. DELTA He's ready when you are. ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him. VO-5 Hair Spray He holds through all kinds of weather. DIAL SOAP Aren't you glad you have Him. Don't you wish everybody did. The U.S. POST OFFICE Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-30-2003 04:49 PM                        Rated G Lorraine The final exam in electrical engineering worried my son, Don. On the last day of class,the professor wished the students luck as he wrote a phone number on the blackboard."If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material,call this number," he said as he dismissed the class. On Saturday afternoon,stumped by one of the review problems,Don reached for the phone and heard a recorded message from Dial-A-Prayer.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2004 11:48 AM                        [b]Rated G Michele Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life,I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.On the day the parts were awarded,I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her,eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me:"I've been chosen to clap and cheer!"  |  IP: Logged

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