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Author
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Topic: Education
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-01-2003 07:57 PM
Rated PG ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Lorraine
SCIENCE AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS:
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others
preferred to be oil.
5
All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads,houses, hotels and condoms.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is
nowhere else to put them.
Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and
cows.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the
top and you sit on the bottom.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.
Some people say we condescended from the apes.
The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its
body. Those who catch soars get leprosy.
The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth
cavity and the abominable cavity.
Most books say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into the sun in the daytime.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science.
This procedure is called gross anatomy.
A liter is a nest of young baby animals.
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebra was the wife of Euclid.
A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side.
A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.
Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that
gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of
adolescence.
When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation.
As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the
Indians.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you
came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit so never
mind. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-08-2003 09:08 AM
Rated G
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who
seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged
him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.
"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly. " Please sir," she asked," May we have our teacher back?"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-10-2003 03:50 PM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust.
"And you, George?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-14-2003 06:44 AM
Rated PG Michele
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says,"Ey,Tony!You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says,"No,Giuseppi,who's-a George Washington?"
He says,"Hah,you be dumb!George-a Washington's the first-a
President of-a United States.
I'm-a go to night school,learn all about-a United States,and
become-a U.S.-a citizen." A couple of days later,Giuseppi comes
to work and says,"Ey,Tony,you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says,"No,Giuseppi,who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says,"Hah stupid! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President
of-a the United States.I'm-ago to night school every night.I
learn all about-a United States history,and become-a U.S.-a
citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells,"Yo, Giuseppi...you so-a
smart,you know who Fishlips Picollini is?"
Giuseppi says,"No.Who's-a Fishlips Picollini is?"
The guy yells back,"That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 03-18-2003 04:59 PM
Rated X ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
For a homework assignment, the teacher told her middle school class to watch a television show that had something to do with sex, and then report on it the next day.
The next morning, the teacher called on a little girl in the front row and said, "Jenny, what show did you watch last night?" The girl stood and said, "I watched 'ER' last night, and they showed a doctor delivering a baby." "Very good", said the teacher, "How about you, Tommy, what show did you watch?"
A boy in the room stood up and said, "I watched 'Animal Planet', and they showed two frogs mating." "That's outstanding!", the teacher enthused, "Outstanding. What about you, little Johnny, what show did you watch?"
Little Johnny stood up and announced, "I watched Gene Autry on the Western channel! There were 12 Indians hiding behind a boulder, trying to ambush ol' Gene, and he rode up, pulled out his 6-shooters and killed every one of those Indians DEAD!"
The teacher, puzzled, asked, "Well... what in the world does that have to do with sex?"
Little Johnny fired back, "It taught those Indians not to fuck with Gene Autry!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-22-2003 10:04 AM
Rated G
When I arrived for my daughter's parent-teacher conference,the
teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started
telling me that my little girl didn't always pay attention in
class and was sometimes a little flighty."For example,she'll do
the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained,"and I've
even found her sitting at the wrong desk."
"I don't understand,"I replied defensively."Where could she
have gotten that?"
The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still
doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally,after a
pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Hallinan, our appointment was tomorrow."
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