In business news AOL is under investigation for accounting practices. In a related story AOL has changed their online greeting from "You got mail” to "We’re in jail!”

I think AOL now stands for "Ask our lawyers.”

"Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?"

-- Steven Wright

"The spectacle has changed, but our eyes remain the same."

"A man's fortune must first change from within."

"According to a new study, 50% of Americans are not getting
enough exercise.... You know, we hear this all the time. You
want Americans to exercise more? ... Make the remote heavier.
That's the only way."

"In a recent interview, Steven Spielberg says he believes Americans would be willing to give up some of their rights if it means the government can do a better job of defending the country.... "As a result, the White House asked Spielberg to give up his right to make 'Jurassic Park 4.' "

"Be grateful for yourself...be thankful."

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high
school class is running the country."

"The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy."

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't."

"Without discipline, there's no life at all."

"No man is free who is not master of himself."

"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever
heard a joke about a father-in-law?"

"Provision for others is a fundamental responsibility of human life."

"What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?"