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Author
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Topic: Senior's
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-16-2004 02:52 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Michele
Old man Jackson, the miser, at last went to his reward and presented himself at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted him with appropriate solemnity and escorted him to his new abode. Walking past numerous elegant mansions finally, they arrived at a dilapidated shack at the end of the street.
Jackson, much taken aback, began, "Hey! Why am I left with a rundown shack when all of these others around me have fine mansions?"
"Well, sir," replied St. Peter, "we did the best we could with the money you sent us."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-18-2005 09:49 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) Denny in Yonkers
A very elderly gentleman,(mid nineties) very well dressed,hair well groomed,great looking suit,flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave,presenting a well looked after
image,walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady,(mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over,sits along side of her,orders a drink,
takes a sip,turns to her and says,"So tell me, do I come here
often?" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-06-2005 11:01 AM
Rated G Lee in Henderson NV
THOSE WHO SURVIVED THE 50s.60s or 70s
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no internet or internet
chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives "for our own good."
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
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Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
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posted 02-08-2005 05:15 PM
Rated G
Ellis Rubenfeld, an elderly Jewish man in Florida owned a large farm for
several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic
tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was
properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening Ellis decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there
for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back
some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to
the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he
said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old Jewish men can still think fast.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-11-2005 07:25 AM
Rated G Dennis in Yonkers
We Must Stop This Immediately
Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper.Groceries are heavier.And,everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now,especially the young ones.They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand,people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.........Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
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Rick Raskin
Phenomenal Film Handler
Posts: 1100
From: Manassas Virginia
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted 02-26-2005 04:52 PM
Love Story
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted
out the French fries, divided them in two piles and placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking: "That poor old couple."
As the old man began eating, a young man stood up and walked to their table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again to buy them another meal. After being politely refused, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered, "The teeth."
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