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Author Topic: Senior's Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-27-2003 03:48 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Old folks are worth a fortune,with silver in their hair,gold in their teeth,stones in their kidneys,lead in their feet,and gas in their stomachs.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2003 01:03 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Two elderly men are sitting on a park bench, watch the young girls go by. One says to the other you know I'm still sexually interested in women.In fact I always get excited when I see the pretty young girls walking by. The real problem is that at this age,I don't see so good any more.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2003 01:07 PM                        Rated G Lorraine An elderly man tells his doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30 and would he have any suggestions. "Yes",says the doctor,"I would advise you to take in a boarder." A year later at his 80th year check-up,the doctor asks how everything is going. The elderly man says fine his wife is pregnant. The doctor remarks,"So you took my advice and took in a boarder ? "Yes I did", came the elderly man's reply,"and she's pregnant too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2003 04:59 PM                        Rated G There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First,he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,"When I asked if you would marry me,did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say,"Why, I said,'Yes, yes I will'and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-01-2003 10:51 AM                        Rated R The newlywed seniors were having sexual problems.The counselor thought it might be due to the fact that the woman was taller. He suggested special shoes with built-up heels to help the man's ego. The next month,he asked if things had improved in their love life with the shoes. "Well yes..."the woman replied,"but those shoes get the sheets so dirty."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-19-2003 07:27 AM                        Rated PG Two elderly ladies were sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of a nursing home.One asked the other,"Ethel,do you remember the minuet? Ethel responded,"Hell I can't even remember the ones that I screwed.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2003 06:35 AM                        Rated G GrandPa's Wisdom I think we all could use some of these .. just wished it was sooner!) Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar. Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good. When a man marries a woman,they become one,but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred,she will never be an old nag. Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands,it's no wonder that brides often blush. On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past...but never the present.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-27-2003 07:10 AM                        Rated G Pick Up Lines for Older People.. "What a nice girl like you doing in a place like....where exactly are we?" "Yes, Im 92...but I still have the body of a 78 year old." "WHO'S your grandaddy?" "Your beautiful blue eyes are like limpid sapphire pools, Your blue hair, too." "Hey Babe, looking for a good time? How's about coming home with me and Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z.."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-27-2003 07:17 AM                        Rated G Getting Old - Carol in The... Bronx You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinklesout of your panty hoseand realize you aren't wearing any? I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. You have reached middle age when all you excerise is caution." Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had an exciting youth.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-04-2003 11:22 AM                        Rated G Senility An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary.They walk down the street to their old school. They hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored carpractically at their feet.She quickly picks it up,but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home.There,she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says,"We've got to give it back." She says,"Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say,"Pardon me,but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says,"She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says,"Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says,"Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says,"Let's get out of here."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:13 AM                        Rated G BEEN THERE! -- DONE THAT! And I'd do it all over again if I could remember the way. But now that I'm older I'd probably forget what I was going back for and most likely wouldn't be able to do it again anyway.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:18 AM                        Rated R "I'll tell you," one old guy said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruelest disease." "Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked. "You bet," the first old codger replied. "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 01:14 PM                        Rated G An elderly couple stood near me in the supermarket's produce section.The man picked up a bunch of bananas and said to his wife,"These are nice.How about some banana-nut bread?" I glanced at his spouse and felt sorry for her.She looked tired and,I presumed,not willing to do any baking.My sympathy vanished,however,when shesnapped at him,"I'm sick of banana-nut bread,Joe! Can't you make something else?" [ 06-12-2003, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 12:20 PM                        Rated G popo An elderly couple had a parlor in which they kept a couple of foodbins.One of those bins contained apples, and the other bin contained nuts. They were having quite a bit of trouble wth mice, so one evening before going to bed they set a couple of mouse traps, one by the bin of apples and one by the bin of nuts. During the night they heard a trap snap.The old gentleman got up to see which mouse trap had caught a mouse. On returning to bed his wife asked,"Well did we catch him by the apples?" The old gentleman replied, "Nope, try again."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-15-2003 07:14 AM                        Rated G Michele You know, there was a time when men dreaded getting old because they knew it would rob them of their sexual power. But thanks to modern medicine, couples are having sex well into their 70's and 80's, to the point where you can now buy edible panties fortified with calcium.  |  IP: Logged

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