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Author Topic: Family Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:23 PM                        Rated G Cece A young Italian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." His mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing Ma!! You're right!!!! How did you know!?" The Italian mother replies, "I don't like her."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-27-2006 04:58 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Three of my husband's female co-workers took a correspondence course with him, and they met weekly in our home. I'd get our young son, Zach, off to bed, greet the three as they arrived, then leave with my daughter for a Brownie meeting. After a couple of months I chanced to meet Zach's kindergarten teacher.She repeated to me what Zach had announced in class: "Tonight's the night my mom and sister go to Brownies and Dad has his girlfriends over."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 12:33 PM                        Rated G Lorraine While on vacation, my family and I had to cross a barnyard to reach the boat we used for fishing. Each time, a white goose would follow us down to the pier and be there waiting for us when we got back to the dock. We took to referring to him affectionately as our "silly goose." One day we were out on the lake much longer than usual, and because dark falls quickly up north, we soon realized we were lost on the lake and didn't know where the dock was. Then we heard our "silly" goose honking. And he didn't stop. We followed the sound and finally spotted him on the pier,standing tall,flapping his wings,directing us back.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 11:09 AM                        Rated G B.B. A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous. "Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take life more seriously. Just think . . .if I died all of a sudden, where would you be?" "I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU be?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 11:56 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Vacation time was approaching. Thinking I could use the extra cash, I gladly accepted when a free-lance assignment came in. During dinner that night, I told my children that the money I'd earn would go a long way towards paying for our holiday. But because the work had to be done in the evenings and on weekends, I pointed out I'd see very little of them in the next two weeks. "What's the magazine article about?" asked my ten-year-old daughter. Sheepishly, I admitted, "Motherhood."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 09:43 AM                        Rated G Lorraine My married daughter Penny and I often spend an evening together doing needlework. My husband's curiosity finally compelled him to ask, "Why is it that it always takes two of you to do these little stitching jobs?" "Well," replied Penny, looking up from her embroidery, "it's an old adage, you know, that two threads are better than one."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-04-2006 01:52 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Four months pregnant with my fifth child, I had just dug out my maternity clothes. I was cooking supper when my seven-year-old son came into the kitchen. His face brightened at the sight of me, and he conversationally remarked, "I see you have your eternity clothes on."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-04-2006 01:53 PM                        Rated G Lorraine On the morning of her first visit home from college, my daughter stood motionless before the open refrigerator door. When I asked if she wanted something in particular, she replied, "No, I just enjoy seeing what a full fridge looks like."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 01:20 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Just after Christmas I received a rather general thank-you note from my sister for the present I had sent her. However, her next letter in mid-March explained that upon receiving my gift, a well- taped box of chocolates, she had immediately put it in the freezer because she had already gained about six pounds that Christmas and wanted to avoid temptation. One day in March, having lost the excess weight and craving a chocolate, she went to the freezer, mouth watering in anticipation, opened the box, and discovered a frozen black sequined evening purse.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:54 AM                        Rated G When our third daughter was born, we named her Cadence, the musical term for the two chords that signify the end of a song. It seemed appropriate. However, six months later we found ourselves announcing that there would be a fourth child. Inevitably, a musician friend quipped, "I guess you'll have to name this one Coda" - the conclusion of the entire work.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 08:42 AM                        Rated G Tony Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 08:56 AM                        A housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now, dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused. "Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:19 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Travel complications prevented my daughter from being home for her 18th birthday. When she called me from a train station several miles away, I could tell she was depressed. "Well," I comforted her, "if it makes you feel any better, your dad and I are sitting here looking at your birthday present." "Oh, Mom," she cried excitedly, "please tell me you're sitting in the driveway!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:36 AM                        Rated G Lorraine In our family, toys, bikes and clothes are repainted, repaired and mended for the next in line. I didn't realize the impact this recycling was having on our children until one day our daughter came home from kindergarten saying a classmate had lost her tooth. I wondered if Mary understood who the tooth fairy was and asked if she knew where her teeth go when she loses one. She pointed to her 15-month-old sister and exclaimed, "Well, to Janice of course!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:39 AM                        Rated G Lorraine At 1:00 a.m., loading the last of the fishing gear, Dad realized he had forgotten his car keys on the kitchen table. We didn't want to wake Mom up, so I hoisted myself through an unlocked kitchen window and retrieved the keys. Trout in hand, we later returned home still laughing about our "cat burglar" escapade. "I'm glad you two had such a wonderful time," Mom greeted us, "but next time, I wish you'd remember to lock the front door before leaving."  |  IP: Logged

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