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Author Topic: Puns & Riddles Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2003 10:08 AM                        Rated G RIDDLE What am I? I am the begining of eternity and the end of time and space. I am the begining of every end and the end of every place. What am I? . .(Scroll Down) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . The Answer: The letter "E"! Beginning of Eternity end of timE and spacE, etc.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2003 11:41 AM                        Rated G ..........RIDDLE....FOR: EVANS GRISWOLD 10 Envelopes A man told his son that he would give him $1000 if he could accomplish the following task. The father gave his son ten envelopes and a thousand dollars, all in one dollar bills. He told his son, "Place the money in the envelopes in such a manner that no matter what number of dollars I ask for, you can give me one or more of the envelopes, containing the exact amount I asked for without having to open any of the envelopes. If you can do this, you will keep the $1000." When the father asked for a sum of money, the son was able to give him envelopes containing the exact amount of money asked for. How did the son distribute the money among the ten envelopes? . .NO PEEKING .Scroll Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Answer: The contents or the ten envelopes should be as follows: $1, $2, $4, $8, $16, $32, $64, $128, $256, $489. The first nine numbers are in geometrical progression, and their sum, deducted from 1,000, gives the contents of the tenth envelope.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2003 12:12 PM                        Rated G .......RIDDLE The Bridge Four members of a band are walking to a night concert. They decide to take a shortcut,but must cross a bridge.Luckily they have one flashlight.Because of the varying size of their instruments,it takes each member a different amount of time to cross the bridge - it takes the first person one minute,the second person two minutes,the third person five minutes and the fourth person ten minutes.They must cross the bridge in pairs,travelling at the slower speed so if the one minute person went with the ten minute person,it would take a total of ten minutes.Since there is only one flashlight,one person must come back across the bridge,then another pair can cross.They only have 17 minutes to cross the bridge and still get to the concert on time.What order should they cross to get everyone across and get to the concert? . .Scroll Down . . . . .. . .. . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. The Answer: First, the one minute person and the two minute person must cross the bridge, for a total of two minutes. Then the one minute person should come back with flashlight - total of three minutes. The five minute person and the ten minute person cross together next, making the total thirteen minutes. Now the two minute person goes back and (total now fifteen minutes) and gets the one minute person and they cross together bringing the total to seventeen minutes.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2003 05:24 PM                        Rated G RIDDLE What is it? Whats greater than God, more evil than the Devil, poor people have it, rich people don't need it, and if you eat too much of it you will die. What is it? . .Scroll Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Answer: Nothing  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2003 10:09 AM                        Rated G ..........RIDDLE Oranges and Peaches[/b] There are three boxes containing fruit. The first box is marked peaches, the second is marked oranges, and the third box is marked peaches and oranges. Each of the boxes is labeled incorrectly. How could you label each box correctly if you were allowed to select only one fruit from one of the boxes? . .Scroll Down . . . ... . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . The Answer: First you select a fruit from the box marked peaches and oranges. If it was a orange you selected, you know that the box could only contain oranges. If it was a peach, you know that the box could only contain peaches since each box in incorrectly marked. If, for example an orange was selected, you would mark that box oranges and switch the other two incorrect labels around. Now all three would be correctly labeled.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2003 10:26 AM                        Rated G ...........RIDDLE Which way You walk up to a mountain that has two paths. One leads to the other side of the mountain, and the other will get you lost forever. On the road you meet two twins that know the path that leads to the other side. You can ask them only one question. One of the twins only tells lies and the other only tells the truth, and you don't know which is which. So, What do you Ask? . .Scroll Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . The Answer: Which way would your brother say? Example: If the good path is left, and you ask the liar this question, he'll say Right, because his brother will say left and he himself lies. The truthful fellow will say right, because he tells the truth, and the other one lies.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2003 07:53 AM                        Rated G Riddle A nail, a screw and a bolt..... "What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked the only girl in the class during the first day of school. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She pondered the question for a moment,then replied, "Well,I can't rightly say as I know,'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2003 03:39 PM                        Rated G Two young men came upon a great trout brook.They stayed all day, enjoying the fishing. At the end of the day,knowing that they would be graduating from Texas A & M soon,they vowed that they would return in 20 years. Twenty years later,they walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook.One of the men said to the other,"This is them place!" The other disagreed,but the first man said,"Yes, I recognize the clover growing on the other side." To which the other replied, "Silly,you can't tell a brook by its clover."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 09:38 AM                        Rated G ....................PUNS Stealing the paintings Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However,after planning the crime,getting in and out past security,he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error,he replied"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2003 07:04 AM                        Rated G Riddle Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin? It won't work and you can't fire it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2003 09:10 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply: "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2003 08:42 AM                        Rated G Frog Loan A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name is Patricia Whack. 'Ms. Whack,' he says, 'I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat.' Patti furrows her brow and asks, 'Well, how much do you want to borrow?' '$30,000,' the frog says. The teller writes this down, then asks his name. 'My name is Kermit Jagger. I'm the son of Mick Jagger.' 'Really?' she asks, eyebrow raised. 'Yes,' he says. Then he digs into his pants pocket and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant. 'And I want to use this as collateral.' 'Ummm, okay,' Patti says, accepting the elephant. 'I'll have to ask the owner about this.' 'That's fine,' he says. 'He'll vouch for me.' Patti walks into the bank owner's office and explains the situation. 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 to buy a boat. He wants to use this' - she holds up the tiny pink elephant - 'as collateral. I mean, what the heck is this thing?' The owner says: 'It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 08:20 AM                        Rated G Mary Poppins visiting Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary. "Certainly madam," he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. "Morning madam...sleep well?" "Yes, thank you," Mary replied. "Food to your liking?" "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs tho....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully. "Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist. "OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2003 04:02 PM                        Rated G Pun Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage. When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches. Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack, into the lions' cage. "Bloody hell!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2003 11:28 AM                        Rated G :)Baby Blues A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the U.S. in one of theresettlement influxes.He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos,and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers). He tried to pursue a job,but of course,he had problems with the English language,being a new resident.In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes,he took up barbering. Soon, he became a very good barber,giving haircuts,styling,and shaves.He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor.In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves. Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian. (Sorry, I should have warned you.)  |  IP: Logged

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