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Author Topic: Puns & Riddles Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-19-2003 08:06 AM                        Rated G Riddle A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? . . .. . . ... . .. .. . . . . . . . .. . . .. The Answer: The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-24-2003 04:32 PM                        Rated G Riddle Sons and Horses A rich man has two sons. When he dies, the sons read his will. The will says the sons must race their horses to a distant city and the LAST one's horse to get there gets the fortune. So the sons start racing as slow as possible to get the fortune. At nightfall they stop at an inn. They tell their problem to the innkeeper and in the morning the sons are racing as fast as they can to the city. What did the innkeeper tell them to do? Scroll Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Answer: He told them to switch horses.So if one son gets there first,he will be on his brother's horse and his horse will be last and he will get the fortune.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2003 02:42 PM                        Rated G PUN A man tried to phone the King of the Jungle. All he got was a recorded message saying, "All the lions are busy right now. Please try later."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2003 02:44 PM                        Rated G PUN A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2003 08:00 PM                        Rated G Just for The Pun of It. In 1868 the first dressmaker's shop opened. It seamed to do very well. In 1910 a Hungarian religious leader was found to be a Buddha pest. In 1925 card playing reached the pinochle of success in the United States. In 1945 the first all-white Dalmation dog was spotted. In 1968 pantsuits for women became fashionable, but many ladies tried to skirt the issue. Sign on a window of a clock shop: 'If it doesn't tick--tock to us~' When chicken broth was first canned, everyone thought it was souper.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2003 10:48 AM                        Rated G "A Good Pun Is Its Own Reword" Energizer Bunny arrested-charged with battery. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Banning the bra was a big flop. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. If electricity comes from electrons...does that mean morality comes from morons. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Sea Captains don't like crew cuts. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2003 06:45 AM                        Rated G "A Good Pun Is Its Own Reword" 2 Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it is an I for an I. Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose. Dockyard: A physician's garden. Incongruous: Where bills are passed. Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston. Oboe: An English tramp. Pasteurize: Too far to see. Alarms: What an octopus is. Toboggan: Why we go to an auction. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell.  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:39 AM                       Q. What becomes smaller when you add 2 letters to it? A. Small.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-03-2003 07:16 AM                        Rated G PUNS 1. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink. 2. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 3. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense. 4. Seven days without a pun makes one weak. 5. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny. 6. To learn rope tricks you have to be taut. 7. When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber. 8. The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out. 9. To kill a circus in one blow, go for the juggler. 10. Tickets to see Paul McCartney were over a hundred dollars each because of the Sir charge.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-03-2003 08:22 AM                        Rated G ..................State Puns ........... 1. Hawaii vacationers are here today, gone to Maui. 2. MISSOURI asked me to borrow MISSISSIPPIS's NEW JERSEY. I said 'I don't know - ALASKA'. 3. California is the land of earthquakes and suntans or 'shake and bake'. 4. Many people need to learn to be happy with the State they are in. 5. The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar. 6. A lot of brave men fought and died in San Antonio, Texas, which is Alamo reason to remember.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-03-2003 09:29 AM                        Rated G ... Computer PUNS... 1. Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board. 2. It's tough to be in the computer business when the chips are down. 3. Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely! 4. He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz. 5. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. 6. Home page: when your family makes your beeper go off. 7. He forgot to pay me for the computer I sold him. Bad cache memory. 8. Buying a cheap mouse could leave you with a squeak and a sad tale. 9. Pocket tape recorders were invented for those who like small talk.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-04-2003 11:22 AM                        Rated G Coffee Anyone? 1. Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'. 2. Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems. 3. Does a coffee shop have the grounds to operate in the black? 4. Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion. 5. Is coffee your daily grind? 6. When he spilled coffee on her shirt she showed him dis-stain. 7. I just had some coffee that was good only for its sedimental value. 8. When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar. 9. The coffee around here is break fluid. 10. Selling coffee has its perks for those who have bean so lucky.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2003 09:18 AM                        Rated G 1. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink. 2. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 3. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense. 4. Seven days without a pun makes one weak. 5. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny. 6. To learn rope tricks you have to be taut. 7. When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber. 8. The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out. 9. To kill a circus in one blow, go for the juggler. 10. Tickets to see Paul McCartney were over a hundred dollars each because of the Sir charge.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2003 09:21 AM                        Rated G 1. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. 3. Nylons give women a run for their money. 4. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket. 5. Some children think that their parents are all no-ing. 6. The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent. 7. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention. 8. My uncle called my grandfather a deer when he let my antelope. 9. A husband with little English struggled to explain that his wife could not have children, saying 'she is unbearable'. Getting a blank stare he tried: 'she is impregnable'. Then finally he figured he had it: 'she is inconceivable!' 10. Some childen are often on their pest behavior.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2003 09:24 AM                        Rated G PUNS 1. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 2. Waiting for her photos to be developed a young girl sang 'Some day my prints will come.' 3. A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary. 4. A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet. 5. A book store and clothing store merged under the name text-aisles. 6. At a pet store: 'buy one, get one flea'. 7. When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken. 8. At shoe stores they believe there's dignity in de feet. 9. Can a piece of antique clothing be uncomfortable? Of corset can. 10. Some music stores are in a CD part of town.  |  IP: Logged

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