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Author Topic: Puns & Riddles Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2003 07:53 AM                        Rated G Baby Blues Q: What do you get when 20 violinists start playing at the same time but play different songs? A: A senseless act of violins.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2003 01:40 PM                        Rated G Baby Blues A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.One day his supply of the birds ran out,so he had to go out and trap some more.On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road.Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2003 04:42 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister. The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known. Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2003 04:53 PM                        Rated G Lorraine If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. [ 06-29-2003, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-29-2003 09:33 AM                        Rated G A Texas A & M grad got engaged to two very pretty women at the same time.One was named Edith;the other named Kate.They met, discovered they had the same fiancée,and told him: "Get out of our lives you rascal.We'll teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2003 10:11 AM                        Rated G Earl Gray Many people assume that Earl Gray tea got its name by being the favorite of that English earl. However,it seems that there is a small town in Wales named Earl Gray where the town's citizens are getting concerned about the ability of their mayor to continue in office. The incumbent was initially elected in 1972 and she has run unopposed in every election since. Unfortunately,her age now hinders her from getting about. What the citizens are saying is that . . . the Earl Gray mayor, she ain't what she used to be!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-06-2003 11:16 AM                        Rated G Riddles Q. A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine died. How many did he have left?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Nine Q. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on earth?. . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Mount Everest . . . Q. Can a man legally marry his widow's sister in the state of California? . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. No, Because hes dead  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-06-2003 11:21 AM                        Rated G Q. How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. None, there is not dirt in a hole. . . . . . . . . . . . Q. Forward I am heavy, Backward I am not? What am I? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A ton. . . Q. What has to be broken before it can be used? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. An egg  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-07-2003 06:07 AM                        Rated G Riddles Q. What starts with T ends in T and has T in it? . . . . . . . . . . A. A teapot . . . Q. What do you serve but you don't eat. . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A tennis ball . . . Q. What can you catch but not throw? . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A cold  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-07-2003 03:50 PM                        Rated G Q. Why cant you take pictures of a man with a wooden leg? . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Because you need a camera . . . . Q. The more you take, The more you leave behind, what are they? . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Footsteps . . . . Q. Whats the difference between here and there? . . . . . . . . . . . . A. The letter T . . . . Q. You can't keep this until you have given it, what is it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A promise  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 08:28 AM                        Rated G Q. There is a clerk at the butchers store.He is Five feet 10 inches tall and wears size 13 sneakers.He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A butcher weighs meat. . . . . Q. In what year did Christmas day and New years day, fall in the same year? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Every Year. . . . . Q. The more it dries the wetter it gets, what is it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A towel . . . . Q. No sooner spoken than broken. What is it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Silence  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 08:42 AM                        Rated G Q. The more you have of it the less you see?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Darkness . . . . Q. The more you take away from it the bigger it gets, what is it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A hole . . . . Q. Some months have 30 days, some have 31 days how many have 28 days? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. They all do . . . . Q. What goes up and down without moving? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A staircase.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 08:50 AM                        Rated G Q. What kind of nut has no shell? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A doughnut . . . . Q. What two words contain the most letters? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Post Office . . . . Q. What kind of room has no windows or doors? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A mushroom . . . . Q. What is in the middle of Nowhere? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. The Letter "H" . . . . Q. What has feet and legs, and nothing else, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Pantyhose . . . . Q. He has married many women but never been married, what is he? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A priest . . . . Q. What travels around the world yet stays in one corner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. A stamp  |  IP: Logged Rachel Craven Madam Moderator Posts: 2190 From: Pensacola, FL Registered: Dec 2000 posted 07-09-2003 06:45 PM                     Rated PG-13 JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread. LITTLE MISS MUFFET Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn. It had not been the spider that crept up beside her But Little Boy Blue and his horn. SIMPLE SIMON Simple Simon met a Pieman going to the fair Said Simple Simon to the Pieman "What have you got there?" Said the Pieman unto Simon "Pies, you dumbass!" HUMPTY DUMPTY Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king's horses and all the king's men Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again. HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE, Hey Diddle Diddle The cat did a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun When it died of electric shock. GEORGIE PORGY Georgie Progy Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay. THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead And when she was good, She was very, very good But when she was bad she got a Fur coat, jewels, and a sports car.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 07:45 AM                        Rated G A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says,"Hmmmm. In one ear, out the udder." [ 07-15-2003, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged

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