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Author
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Topic: Lawyers
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-06-2004 09:39 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.
"Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits." ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
[ 05-29-2004, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-12-2005 10:52 AM
Rated G
It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the 'Stella Awards' for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:
5th Place (Tied)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store.The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms.Robertson's son.
5th Place (Tied)
19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.Mr.Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th Place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol,Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days.He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food.He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock,Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle dog. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time, as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting at it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone).The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier,during an argument.
2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont,Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth.This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place!!!!!
This year's runaway winner was Mr.Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,Oklahoma.Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway,he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.Not surprisingly the RV left the freeway,crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-02-2005 09:53 AM
Rated PG
An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."
She leaned forward.
"Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-11-2005 06:04 PM
Rated G : Tony in Lyme
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking,smartly dressed woman perched on a barstool.
He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, good looking, how's it going?"She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,"Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime,anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."
He says, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too!
What firm are you with?"
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