|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Old Men
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 02-25-2003 06:46 AM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Ed and Ted went to the fair.They came across a small crowd
gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's
going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco
machine,"he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine.
"Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three
minutes yet,and there's a prize of $100 for anybody who can.
"I can do that,"Ed said confidently.
"You can't,"said Ted."You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing."
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The
machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around
in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.
He dismounted,collected his winnings and rejoined Ted.
"Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that?"Ted asked.
"Remember three months ago," Ed said."When your wife had whooping cough...?"
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 03-24-2003 02:31 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note:these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.
# 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
# 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
# 1. Crying is blackmail.
# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll
get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!
# 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes
you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress?
# 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question. Please pick one.
# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a
problem. See a doctor.
# 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car
engine as soon as you hear it.
# 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and
void after seven days.
# 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys.
# 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.
# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
# 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends.
# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what Mauve is.
# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
# 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
# 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!
# 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which
quiz.
# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.
# 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape
# 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Signed,
ANY GUY
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 04-24-2003 07:40 AM
Rated G Men's Thesaurus.............
"I'm Going Fishing."
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while fish swim by in complete safty."
"It would take too long to explain."
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Means: "Iwas wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
You know how bad my memory is."
Means: "I remember the theme song for F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I have ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"Oh,don't fuss,I just cut myself,it's no big deal."
Means: "I've actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I heard you."
Means: "I havn't the foggiest clue what you just said, and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic