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Topic: Old Men
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-26-2002 09:14 PM
Rated G  10 Facts About Men 1. Men never have anything to wear. They truly want the whole world to be full of nude people. 2. Men need sex as often as women do. That's why men think they basically need to have love affairs. 3. Men keep their secrets, 'cause they don't want their love affairs to cause a serious problem. 4. Men have three different condoms in the pocket. medium for wife, large for lover, extra large for just bragging to their friends. 5. Men are never wrong. They always say "right". "we have a right to be righteous to right women in the right place at the right time ... RRRIGHT?" 6. Men do not know anything about cosmetics. "Lipstick? Does lip stick?" 7. Only men understand the difference between "nuts" and "hot nuts". 8. The original meaning of the word "man" was Mentally Abused Nut. 9. If men pretend to care about a sense of humor, That is for attracting women. 10. The most embarrassing thing for men is to meet their wives while dating with their lovers. They run out of that place. The answer to their wives' question, "Who
was the f*cking bitch?" is "I haven't f*ck her yet." 
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-05-2002 11:32 AM
Rated G LEARNING ABOUT TODAY'S POLITICALLY CORRECT AMERICAN MALE He doesn't have a beer gut-
He has a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY" He's not a bad dancer-
He's "OVERLY CAUCASIAN" He doesn't get lost all the time-
He's "INVESTIGATING ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS" He's not balding- He's merely in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION" He doesn't get falling-down drunk-
He just becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL" He doesn't act like a total _ _ _.
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION" He is not a male chauvinist pig-
He merely has "SWINE EMPATHY" He is not afraid of commitment-
He's just "MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED" 
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Rachel Gilardi
Madam Moderator
Posts: 2214
From: Peabody, MA, USA
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted 05-01-2002 03:51 AM
Rated G A.A.A.D.D.
They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition.
Hooray!! I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.! Age Activated
Attention Deficit Disorder...
This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on
the table. Ok, I'm going to wash the car. But first I'm going to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trashcan is full. Ok, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.
Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk.
Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.
I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flowerpots - - Aaaaaagh!
Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.
I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do?
End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, and the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys!
When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-03-2002 02:59 PM
Rated PG  A man meets his friend who has his hand bandaged. He asks him: What did you do? The friend replies: I burned my finger.
- The whole finger?
- No the one next to it.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-15-2002 12:14 PM
Rated XXXX The world according to men : Every blowjob you give, adds one month to your life. If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories. A handjob a day keeps arthritis away. Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill. Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles. Intercourse prevents divorce. Regular screwing releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells. Sex eliminates headaches. (this one is definitely TRUE!!!) Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard", triples your chances of getting into heaven. Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.
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(yes, that Bob on your left) could not stand their attitudes anymore. He started to get off the elevator when he stopped and said, "Boys that there is baked beans, 49 cents a pound. 
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