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Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-27-2005 06:49 AM                        Rated G Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to keep teaching.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2005 09:58 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I had registered in a number of programs at The College of New Jersey and was looking for an option. Art, I thought, although I hadn't drawn since public school, and my husband, an accomplished artist, had been selling his paintings for years. The year flew by and on the last day of class, I loaded all my artwork into my car. At home I pulled up to the carport. I lifted the trunk of the car, and on top of the pile was my first nude painting. That is awful, I thought, truly awful. Several nude paintings underneath it were not much better. I didn't want anybody to see these terrible paintings, and especially not my husband. One by one the masonite boards reverberated with a loud crack as I broke each painting into four pieces and dropped them into the garbage can. Several days later my neighbor stopped me in a store. "Say, Nancy," he said, "is someone in your house throwing out nude paintings?" I dropped the eggs into my basket in shock. "How did you know about the nudes?" "Well," he said, "my twelve-year-old grandson found them in your garbage, and he nailed them up on the walls of his tree house."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2005 01:14 PM                        Rated G Our twin girls' first grade teacher phoned to tell me that she had called Brenda up to the front of the class and asked her to explain just what it was like to be a twin. After a moment's thought, she announced, "It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2005 01:01 PM                        Rated G Lorraine While taking a college course in creative writing, I decided to use my sister's humorous antics as the subject for a short story. I sent Liz a copy, but it was some time before I heard her opinion of it. At the next family gathering, I finally asked her what she had thought of my collection of anecdotes. "Well, Sis, I'm sure your story's good," she began, "but if it's ever published, I could sue you for definition of character!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2005 01:32 PM                        Rated G Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it. Alan: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go over before detail!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2005 09:54 AM                        Rated G OVERHEARD AT A CLASS REUNION: Jim: "Are you still working?" John: "Parts of me are."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-02-2005 09:45 AM                        Rated G When my ten-year-old son learned he would be leaving his Catholic school to go to a public school, he was sad about losing his friends and concerned about embarking on a new path. As I answered his questions about some of the changes he could expect, I told him he wouldn't have religion classes or prayer time in the new school. Thinking about this for a minute, he asked, "Dad, if they don't talk about God and Jesus at my new school, do I still have to be good?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2005 01:37 PM                        Rated G An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper's skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him. "That," said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-20-2005 03:25 PM                        Rated G Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?" One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2005 11:08 AM                        Rated G Lorraine When I went to Japan to teach English I spoke no Japanese. The easiest words to understand were those borrowed from the English language. One of my lessons was on clothing, and we were discussing such things as colors, textures, and patterns. Turning to the only male in my adult class, I asked him how many pairs of pants he owned. There were a few chuckles around the room, but Naoko answered, "About 12." My next question was, "What colors are they?" This resulted in more laughter, but Naoko bravely replied, "White, beige, light blue, brown, red-and-white stripes...." "Really, Naoko!" I said in surprise. "Red-and-white stripes? I'd sure like to see those!" The class erupted in laughter. That's when one student explained that the word "pants" in Japanese refers exclusively to underwear.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2005 11:21 AM                        Rated G B.B. The teacher asked the 8th grade class.....Which human body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 8th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Kevin stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 7 times its size when s! timulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Kevin," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: (1) you have a dirty mind, (2) you didn't read your homework ; and (3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-22-2005 11:59 AM                        Rted G B.B. Teacher to a third grade student: "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" Billy: "It depends." Teacher: "It depends on what?" Billy: "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-09-2005 10:43 AM                        Rated G Bruce A young man had just graduated from UCLA and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this lovely day?" "I'm the Class of 2005, just graduated from UCLA and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me." The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says, "Congratulations, I'm Mitch; Class of 1982."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2005 02:11 PM                        Rated G During his fourth year of study at The College of New Jersey,my friend Ted,a geography major,was given a difficult assignment that included charting and compiling a book of nearly a hundred maps. This task took him several weeks to complete.When he had finally finished,he fell back in his chair with a grin on his face and declared,"Together, at-las!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-04-2005 05:29 PM                        Rated G Parent-teacher interviews had begun, and as it was my first year as a teacher, I was under a lot of stress. By 4:15 that afternoon, exhausted, I glanced at the door to see if there were many people yet to be seen and realized that my mother was standing next in line. I hurriedly finished the interview, then ushered her in. When she sat down, I asked: "Mom, why are you here? Is everything all right?" "I came to see you," she replied. "But you're not supposed to be here," I said. "Why not?" she asked with a smile. "I'm a parent. You're a teacher. Do you need a coffee?"  |  IP: Logged

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