my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Education (Page 25)

This topic comprises 44 pages: 1  2  3  ...  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  ...  42  43  44

Author Topic: Education Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2005 11:26 AM                        Rated G Michele "What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year. "He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" "He saws people in half." "Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?" "One half brother and two half sisters."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 10:02 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Our anthropology professor at the University of Pennsylvania explained that highways often followed landscape features laid down by glaciers. Since both early man and even-earlier animals found food and water at the foot of these glaciers, anthropologists sometimes served on highway projects in order to identify any bones or artifacts found during construction. In fact, my professor went on, partial remains of a dinosaur had been found beside the excavations for Interstate 95. Looking around the class, his eyes fell on a fine football player but indifferent student who slept through most of his classes. "Well," the professor asked, "how would you account for this dead dinosaur beside Interstate 95?" Startled, the newly awakened student replied: "I don't know, sir. Perhaps he was hit by a truck."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 11:38 AM                        Rated G Lorraine At a school district workshop on discipline, the keynote speaker was trying to drive home a point about rule breaking. "Let's face it," he challenged, "who in here can honestly say he's never broken a speed limit?" A hand shot up, and the audience broke out in laughter. So did the speaker when he noticed the teacher's seeing-eye dog resting on the floor beside him.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 11:49 AM                        Rated G As part of a social-studies project,I had the municipal engineer come to my class to talk about our town's water system. He gave a brief outline of what's involved in supplying us with clean,pure water.Then,to see if the children understood the process,he asked them to write a sentence about the town's water supply. One student asked him, "Do you spell waterworks as one word or with a hydrant?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 11:54 AM                        Rated G Lorraine After a long winter fraught with colds and the flu, we teachers approached March break with trepidation, praying that we'd remain healthy enough to enjoy it. One colleague was seen sitting on an uncomfortably high stool with her students seated on the floor at her feet. Asked why she was seated in that manner, she replied in a weary voice, "I'm sitting above the cough line."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 12:10 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Having collected the completed registration papers from my 9th grade class, I was surprised to note that one fellow hadn't written the day on his day-month-year birth-date line, and even more so when he said he didn't know what it was. I asked him to find out. Two days later he had an answer for me. "Mom isn't sure, but she thinks it was a Thursday."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 12:12 PM                        Rated G Michele "I give up!" the little boy said while kneeling in prayer beside his bed. "Art doesn't listen to me at all." "Art? Art who?" asked his bewildered mom. "Art in Heaven," said the boy.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2005 10:15 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I went enthusiastically to the three-hour seminar on memory improvement. After an hour I slipped out. I had taken the same course, given by the same teacher, the previous year.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-09-2005 07:12 PM                        Rated G Gerry The third grade was being given a course in first aid. The question was asked, "What would you do if you had a younger sibling who swallowed a house key?" After a pause, one of the students answered, "I'd climb through the window!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2005 11:13 AM                        Rated G Dennis A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase. For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball. On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly. Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-12-2005 01:16 PM                        Rated PG Bruce My anger management class pisses me off!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-12-2005 01:35 PM                        Rated G A third-grade teacher was instructing her students in some of the wonders of nature and ended by saying, "Isn't it wonderful how baby chickens get out of their shells?" An eight-year-old, showing more curiosity than the rest said, "What gets me is how they got in."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-15-2005 01:21 PM                        Rated G Creative writing A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containg these four elements: religion,royalty,sex and mystery. The prise-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant.I wonder who it is?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-16-2005 09:29 AM                        Rated G The father of a student came to our school office to speak to the principal. Advised he was away for a few days,he asked, "Then may I speak to whomever is covering up for him?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-16-2005 09:31 AM                        Rated G Judy As a teacher of classical guitar, I had just spent the previous two weeks with one of my students working through a transcription taken from Bach's 48 Preludes and Fugues for the Well-Tempered Clavier. I overheard another student ask the name of the piece she had been practising so faithfully. "Oh," she replied, "just a little something from the Well-Travelled Cavalier."  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 44 pages: 1  2  3  ...  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  ...  42  43  44

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.