"Speaking of stocks, mine split today. You know what that means, a stock split? It means my stocks just split! They’re gone! I love these experts on TV. They keep saying that this is just a paper loss. Too bad paper is what money is printed on. "

"Never forget the power of silence, that massively disconcerting pause whichgoes on and on and may at last induce an opponent to babble and back track nervously."

-- Lance Morrow

"The best way to launch an Italian Restaurant is to have it raided because the Mafia eats there. Everybody knows they eat well"

"Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those time I was reading it."

"Without friends no one would choose to live,
though he had all other goods."

-- Aristotle

"When it comes to the pinch, human beings are heroic."

"Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles."

"True friendsip comes when silence between two people is comfortable."

"The past is a work of art, free of irrelevancies and loose ends."

"The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has
been is but the twilight of the dawn."

"Loving is half of believing."

"A man in New York City is suing McDonald's,Burger King,Wendy's and KFC,saying they have made him fat. He is also suing Victoria's Secret for making him play with himself."

-- Jay Leno

"President Bush was in South Dakota today.There was one awkward moment when he was at Mount Rushmore and he said,'Hey look,it’s those guys on the money!'"

--Conan O'Brien

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when adults are afraid of the light."

--Plato

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than a true friend."