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Author Topic: True Stories Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 06:54 AM                        Rated G Beverly in Rochester While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk... "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?" "After the operation,I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap- looking and ugly."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 07:07 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A woman sat in the crowded waiting room and became engrossed in a magazine.When the nurse called her name,she found her leg had gone to sleep and she limped awkwardly in to the doctor's office. The doctor wrote a new prescription and two minutes later the woman walked briskly out into the waiting room again. As she put on her coat,she noticed another patient staring at her in astonishment. The surprised patient poked her companion and whispered excitedly, "See, Betty? I told you he is the best doctor in town!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 04:41 PM                        Rated G Judy In Frisco As the bus pulled away,I realized I had left my purse under the seat.Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up,several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.One man handed me my pocketbook,two type written pages and a box containing the contents of my purse."We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained."I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook,the man continued,"I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried,none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-19-2003 06:09 AM                        Rated G Michele A story today on Foxnews.com... How hot is it in Phoenix right now? Hot enough to melt candles and cause dogs to get heat stroke from the pavement! Well... the inmates are griping how hot and inhumane it is! Their Sheriff makes them live in tents and wear pink prison suits. They gripe how hot and inhumane it is... and the Sheriff's response???? Joe Arpaio,the tough-guy sheriff,who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink,is not sympathetic. He told the inmates:"It's 120 degrees in Iraq and the soldiers are living in tents and they didn't commit any crimes,so shut your mouths." We need more sheriffs just like him!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 04:29 PM                        Rated G Nine Famous Irishmen Submitted by Scott S. In Ireland, nine men were captured, tried, and convicted of treason against Her Majesty, the Queen, during what has been referred to as the "Young Irish Disorders," in 1848 or thereabouts. The nine, who were sentenced to death, were Pat Donahue, Charles Duffy, Michael Ireland, Morris Lyene, Thomas McGee, Terrence McManus, Thomas Meagher, John Mitchel, and Richard O'Gorman. The judge asked if there was anything any of them wished to say before being sentenced. Meagher, whose response summed up the attitude of them all, replied, "My Lord, this is our first offence, but not our last. If you will be easy with us this once, we promise on our word as gentlemen, to do better next time--sure we won't be fools to get caught." The judge, outraged rather than amused at Meagher's remarks, indignantly decreed that the defendants should be hanged until dead, and then drawn and quartered. Passionate protests, however, influenced Queen Victoria to commute the sentence to banishment for life and transportation to far wild Australia. In 1874, an astounded Queen Victoria received word that the Sir Charles Duffy who had been elected Prime Minister of Australia was the very same Charles Duffy who had been transported there some twenty-five years before. Curious about the fate of the other eight, the Queen demanded that the records of those transported in the 1848 incidents be researched and revealed. This is what was found. Thomas Meagher: Governor of Montana Terrence McManus: Brigadier General, U.S. Army Patrick Donahue: Brigadier General, U.S. Army Richard O'Gorman: Governor of Newfoundland Morris Lyene: Attorney General of Australia Michael Ireland: Attorney General of Australia, after the term of Morris Lyene Thomas McGee: Member of Parliment, Montreal Minister of Agriculture and President of Council Dominion of Canada John Mitchel: Writer and prominent New York politician. His son became Mayor of New York City  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 12:01 PM                        Rated G Anonymous Author My daughters and I had just moved into Building D in a large apartment complex. Soon afterward, we gave a "ladies only" lingerie-sales party for my daughters' friends. The party was well under way when there was a knock at the door. The young man standing there got a glimpse of attractive young women modeling bikinis and nightgowns, and his eyes widened. "A friend told me there might be a rental in Building G," he stammered. I told him he had the wrong address and gave him directions. A minute later I heard a tentative knock. It was the same young man. "Are there any vacancies in this building?" he asked.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-26-2003 06:43 AM                        Rated G Barb in Ohio One day,I took my 4 year old niece to see my grandmother.As she sat in her great grandmother's lap,my niece looked at my grandmother's wrinkled hands and said,"Mamaw,you're old.Why are you old?" My grandmother replied,"Yes, darling, I am old,but there's nothing I can do about it." After realizing that my grandmother could do nothing to stop growing older,my niece suggested,"Mamaw,why don't you go to the doctor and tell him to make you new again?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 08:17 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee User Error Today at work I was moving a computer system and listening to the conversation at the point of sale. A customer had brought his caller ID box back into the store and was rather irritably asking for a refund, as the device didn't work. The customer service rep had taken it out of the box and was making sure that the customer had attached it to his phone properly. During her demonstration of the proper way to hook up the gadget, she removed the static cling label off the front, which showed a sample caller ID screen on it. It was difficult for her to maintain a straight face as the customer realized the reason the numbers on the front never changed . . .  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 09:25 AM                        Rated G Michele This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 04:19 PM                        Rated G B.B. One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Ashley spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat,"Dad,I'm thinking of something." This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year- old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear. "What are you thinking?" I asked. "The rain," she began, "is like sin, and windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away." After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond. "That's really good, Ashley." Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked..."Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you? Ashley didn't hesitate one moment with her answer. "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us." I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-04-2003 10:01 AM                        Rated G Philip in New Orleans I sat in my seat of the Boeing 767 waiting for everyone to hurry and stow their carry-ons and grab a seat so we could start what I was sure to bealong , uneventful flight home. With the huge capacity and slow movingpeople taking their time to stuff luggage far too big for the overheadandnever paying much attention to holding up the growing line behind them,I simply shook my head knowing that this flight was not starting out very well. I was anxious to get home to see my loved ones so I was focused on "my" issues and just felt like standing up and yelling for some of these clowns to get their act together. I knew I couldn't say a word so I just thumbed thru the "Sky Mall" magazine from the seat pocket in front of me. You know it's really getting rough when you resort to the over priced, useless sky mall crap to break the monotony. With everyone finally seated, we just sat there with the cabin door open and no one in any hurry to get us going although we were well past the scheduled take off time. No wonder the airline industry is in trouble I toldmyself.Just then, the attendant came on the intercom to inform us all that we were being delayed. The entire plane let out a collective groan. She resumed speaking to say "We are holding the aircraft for some very special people who are on their way to the plane and the delay shouldn't be more than 5 minutes. The word came after waiting six times as long as we were promised that "I" was finally going to be on my way home. Why the hoopla over "these" folks? I was expecting some celebrity or sport figure to be the reason for the hold up......... Just get their butts in a seat and lets hit the gas I thought. The attendant came back on the speaker to announce in a loud and excited voice that we were being joined by several U. S. Marines returning home from Iraq!!! Just as they walked on board, the entire plane erupted into applause. The men were a bit taken by surprise by the 340 people cheering for them as they searched for their seats. They were having their hands shook and touched by almost everyone who was within an arm's distance of them as they passed down the aisle. One elderly woman kissed the hand of one of the Marines as he passed by her. The applause, whistles and cheering didn't stop for a long time. When we were finally airborne, "I" was not the only civilian checking his conscience as to the delays in "me" getting home, finding my easy chair,a cold beverage and the remote in my hand. These men had done for all of us and I had been complaining silently about "me" and "my" issues. I took for granted the everyday freedoms I enjoy and the conveniences of the American way of life I took for granted others paid the price for my ability to moan and complain about a few minutes delay to "me" those Heroes going home to their loved ones. I attempted to get my selfish outlook back in order and minutes before we landed I suggested to the attendant that she announce over the speaker a request for everyone to remain in their seats until our hero's were allowed to gather their things and be first off the plane. The cheers and applause continued until the last Marine stepped off and we all rose to go about our too often taken for granted everyday freedoms......... I felt proud of them. I felt it an honor and a privilege to be among the first to welcome them home and say Thank You for a job well done. I vowed that I will never forget that flight nor the lesson learned. I can't say it enough, THANK YOU to those Veterans and active servicemen and women who may read this and a prayer for those who cannot because they are no longer with us. GOD BLESS AMERICA WELCOME HOME AND THANKS FOR A JOB WELL DONE !!!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-08-2003 05:07 AM                        Rated G Michele A gentleman was much surprised when the good-looking young lady greeted him by saying,"Good evening." He could not remember ever having seen her before.She evidently realized that she had made a mistake,for she apologized,and explained. "Oh, I'm so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father of two of my children." She walked on while the man stared after her.She did not realize,of course,that he was unaware of the fact she was a school teacher.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-10-2003 06:41 AM                        Rated G Carol in Rochester When I worked for a trucking firm as a dispatcher for freight pickup and delivery, a woman phoned and asked me,"What's the charge from Peoria to Moline, Illinois?" "It depends on the weight." "On what??" I explained that we charged minimum rate up to 500 pounds.Then the price jumped. After a very long pause she asked, "Is this the bus station?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-10-2003 06:48 AM                        Rated G Rory in Cleveland Michele I have a blonde friend and she is lives up to the stereo-type way too often.One afternoon she rushed out of her house, forgetting her keys,and found herself locked out. There was nothing she could do but to wait for her husband to come home,so she went over to a neighbor who was outside raking leaves. "You locked yourself out?" he said. "Yeah.This is the second time since we moved in.After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar,and then stuck it in a potted plant on the back deck." "So what's the problem?" "I took the plants in for the winter."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-14-2003 09:28 AM                        Rated G George in Chicago My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson.As she was pulling out of the parking lot,the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know what you're doing." Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced, "I'm going left."  |  IP: Logged

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