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Topic: Political Humor
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Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
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posted 09-28-2003 03:55 PM
Interesting Political Quotations...
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself. --Mark Twain
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is
like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
--Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
support of Paul. --George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which
debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
--G. Gordon Liddy speaking for Bob Hansen
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on
what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civil Libertarian
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
--Douglas Casey, Classmate of W. J. Clinton at Georgetown U.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys
to teenage boys.
--P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to
live at the expense of everybody else.
--Frederic Bastiat, French Economist(1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops
moving, subsidize it. --Ronald Reagan
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the fact
--Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it
costs when it's free. --P.J. O'Rourke
If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If
you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If
you want government to intervene everywhere, You're a moderate. If
you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist.
--Joseph Sobran, former Editor of the National Review
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other
--Voltaire(1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you.
--Pericles(430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in
session. --Mark Twain
Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. --Unknown
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite
at one end and no responsibility at the other. --Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
--Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin. --Mark Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to
fill the world with fools
--Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher(1820-1903)
There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.
--Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
I don't belong to any organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
--Will Rogers
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-06-2003 07:17 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.They're up in heaven,and God's sitting on the great white throne.God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election,but that it was
your will that I did not serve.And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay,very good.Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies,"I believe in forgiveness.I've sinned,but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man,and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says "You are forgiven,my son.Come
and sit at my right."
God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-21-2003 09:37 AM
Rated PG
Security Briefing:
(funny play on words. Example..Haid D'Salaami = hide the salami)
Tom Ridge: Good afternoon! Before we begin today's briefing,I wish to announce that, on the basis of change in the nature of Al-Queda chatter,we are changing the current threat level to Magenta. Let me repeat: the threat level is now.. Magenta.
What is Magenta? It's a darker maroon.It's not quite an ox
blood.It's more plum color than.. say.. a crimson.How serious
is it? [ sighs ] I honestly don't have an answer for that.We'll
try to have that for you by early in the week.In any case, I'd
like to introduce Craig Fenson,the new senior spokesman for the
office of Homeland Security,and he'll be happy to take your
questions.
Craig Fenson: Good afternoon. In the past few weeks, through ournational hotline,we have collected hundreds of names of suspected terrorists,and I'm proud to say that most of the
calls have come from high school and college students nationwide.
In fact,we received over 475 calls alone regarding this man:
M'Balz Es-Hari.We also received information on such nefarious
terrorists such as Graabir Boubi,and Haid D'Salaami and.. let
this be a message to you,Haid D'Salaami: we will not play your
dangerous games We are also currently searching for a man we
believe to be a Al Queda leutinant:Hous Bin Pharteen,his cousin I-Bin Pharteen,and their close companion I-Zheet
M'Drurz.Question over there?
Reporter #1: Is there a way to identify Hous Bin Pharteen?
Craig Fenson: Ah.. our operatives have picked up his scent. Also,according to our intelligence,he is targeting gas
refineries,fertilizer plants, and, oddly enough, baked bean
canneries.He is a silent, but deadly killer.
Reporter #2: What can you tell us about I-Zheet M'Drurz?
Craig Fenson: We're told that,when he was fleeing the scene ofhis last attack,he left skidmarks.He is extremely dangerous.Our sources say that he is planning on attacking the New YorkCity sewer system with what we believe it is to be a dirty bomb.
Reporter #3: Do you have any other names you're willing to release?
Craig Fenson: Yes! Please call our hotline at once if you haveany information on the following men: Shaif Hirboush.. Al-Suq
Akweer.. Mustaf Herod Apyur Poupr. I hope I got that right! Awan
Afuqya.. Yul Strokheet Al-Wauch.. Apul Madeek - who we believe
will be targeting adult bookstores sometime in the near future.
And this man, the notorious Yuliqa M'Diq, A.K.A. Uwana M'Diq,
A.K.A. Usuqa M'Diq. Uh.. thank you, that is all.
(SNL)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-24-2003 04:43 AM
Rated G Michele
Everyone who has ever bought a house can enjoy this...it is too
good not to share!
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.The title to the property dated back to 1803,which took the lawyer three months to track down.After sending the information to the FHA,he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application,we note that the request is supported by an Abstract
of Title.While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803.Before final approval can be accorded,it will be
necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received.
I note that you wish to have the title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.I was unaware that any educated person in this country,particularly those working in the property area,would not know that Louisiana was purchased,by the U.S.,from France in 1803,the year of origin identified in our application.For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats,the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France,which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus,who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. Good queen, Isabella,being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA,took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.Now the Pope,as I'm sure you may know,is the emissary of Jesus Christ,the Son of God,and God,it is commonly accepted,created this world.Therefore,I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.God,therefore,would be the owner of origin and His origins date back,to before the beginning of time,the world as we AND the FHA know it.
I hope to hell you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan?"
The loan was immediately approved.
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