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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-19-2005 09:28 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber." ~~Aristotle  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-24-2005 06:37 AM                        Rated G Before Lyndon Johnson became a Texas senator and eventually president, he was the tough head of a government agency. Passing a worker's cluttered desk, he scolded the man, "I hope your mind's not as messy as that desk." Trying to keep on the good side of his boss, the worker immediately cleaned off his desk. But the next time Johnson came through the office, he said to the same man, "I hope your mind's not as empty as that desk."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-24-2005 07:00 AM                        Rated G In a speech today about Hurricane Rita, President Bush declared, quote, 'This is a big storm.' In related news, the White House announced earlier today that the president is writing his own speeches. =-Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-25-2005 07:58 AM                        Rated G "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -- Gerald R. Ford  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 06:53 AM                        Rated G "U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world's poor. Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher." --Tina Fey  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 03:13 PM                        Rated G "Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff said that he wants to expel all illegal immigrants from the United States. Which would reduce the population of Los Angeles to 142 people." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 03:15 PM                        Rated G "In an announcement today President Bush said all federal workers should travel less to save fuel. He decided on this in Texas, right before he flew to Colorado then back to Washington to prepare for tomorrow's trip back to Texas." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 03:18 PM                        Rated G "First Lady Laura Bush is going to guest star on a special edition of 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.' She'll be helping rebuild a shelter in Biloxi, Mississippi. You know, the last First Lady to have a screwdriver in her hand was Betty Ford." -- --Jimmy Kimmel  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-31-2005 06:41 AM                        Rated G Replace Air Female Flight Attendants Replace all female flight attendants with good lookin' strippers. What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again hoping to see naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenue. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-31-2005 09:47 AM                        Rated G Fall is when the leaves on the trees know their usefulness is done and they depart gracefully. Politicians should be made to watch and learn.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-01-2005 08:21 AM                        Rated G Inflation! When Congress becomes ten percent efficient, why, that is inflation.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2005 09:43 PM                        Rated PG Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected? His Father: Everyone will have what he needs. LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat? HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-03-2005 12:00 PM                        Rated G "President Bush has declared a War on Pornography. Boy, I can't wait for those playing cards to come out. Hey, I got the Queen of Spades!" --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-03-2005 12:34 PM                        Rated G Herbert Hoover once complained to former president Calvin Coolidge that his attempts to promote economic recovery during the Great Depression seemed to be having minimal impact; moreover, his critics were becoming increasingly vocal and belligerent. "You can't expect to see calves running in the field the day after you put the bull to the cows," Coolidge remarked. "No," Hoover replied. "But I would at least expect to see contented cows."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2005 02:35 PM                        Rated G "The big story from Washington today is that President Bush may have lied to investigators about the CIA leak. The theory is that President Bush may have been playing dumb. Well good luck getting anyone to believe that one." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged

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