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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-02-2005 08:33 AM                        Rated G "They want President Bush's approval for 'Star Wars'type weapons. In fact, after they made the announcement, Dick Cheney wispered in the President Bush's ear 'I am your father." ~~Jay Leno [ 08-10-2005, 07:48 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-02-2005 08:37 AM                        Rated G "Congress was evacuted and it caused a 15 minute interruption of getting absolutely nothing accomplished." ~~David Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-10-2005 07:47 AM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. CA What me worry? A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?" He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house." The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. REMEMBER: EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!!!!!! Now you know why I posted this here.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 06:08 AM                        Rated G "Today the White House announced that President Bush's personal chef is quitting his job. When asked why the chef said ' there is only so much you can do with Spaghettio's." ~~Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 11:46 AM                        Rated X Due to Clinton's escapades, The Lord added an 11th commandment: 11. Thou shalt not stick thy rod in thy staff.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2005 05:51 AM                        Rated G "Today after President Bush signed the new transportation bill he said that it's not enough to just pass the law - he said now "people have to show up to do the work." Then he went back to his five-week vacation." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2005 05:56 AM                        Rated X Michele The wax museum just acquired a very good wax figure of ex prez Bill Clinton. They had it arranged to show him in an authoritative stance in front of several staff members set on a stage made up like the oval office. After the figure had been on display for a couple of days, the museum employees were constantly having to go in and rezip Bill's zipper, it kept falling to the 'down' position. They even went so far as to sew it in place, but that too met with some foul play, and the zipper was found ripped loose and in the down position. So, to get to the bottom of this mystery, the museum installed a hidden camera to catch the culprit. They did. and it was more than just one. During the course of one day no less than 18 different women stepped into the exhibit, got down on their knees, unzipped that zipper then placed their head on 'his' trousers and had a friend snap their photo.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-17-2005 09:57 AM                        Rated G "A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." --G. Gordon Liddy  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-24-2005 04:15 PM                        Rated G Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-01-2005 04:36 PM                        Rated G "Gas prices continue to rise. At the gas station near my house they have a slot for your credit card and one right next to it for your 401K." -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-01-2005 04:40 PM                        Rated G Pull My Finger George Bush Doll Pull Bush's finger to hear phrases like "That's what I call the Flatulation Proclamation!" Created by Tekky Toys.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-15-2005 01:29 PM                        Rated G Tony in Old Lyme Q: What's George Bush's position on Roe v. Wade? A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-16-2005 03:17 PM                        Rated G government Friday, September 16, 2005 A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish to be on a beautiful island in the Caribbean." POOF! He suddenly appears on a gorgeous beach. After overcoming his initial surprise, he states his second wish. "I wish to be waited on hand and foot by beautiful women." POOF! A crowd of gorgeous women flock to him, attending his every need. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish to never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.;D  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-17-2005 02:20 PM                        Rated G Heard this morning on the national radio: In USSR, a boy talking to his grand-father: Boy: "What is the Perestroika?" Grand-Father: "You see these two buckets of coal? One is full and the other one is empty." B: "Yes." GF: "Well... (he walks to the buckets and drop the coal from the full bucket into the empty one)... This is the Perestroika." B: "But, this is the same thing." GF: "Yes, but did you hear the noise?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-17-2005 02:56 PM                        Rated G At the end of a long line of people waiting to get into Lenin's tomb there are people holding newspapers with headlines of the economic and political changes taking place in Eastern Europe and the USSR. They look up, smiling, as a passerby asks, "Is this the line to see Lenin turn over in his grave?"  |  IP: Logged

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