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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 03:04 PM                        Rated G Michele "Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually Hillary is campaigning for Davis,Bill is out here for Larry Flynt." -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 05:44 AM                        Rated G Michele An American and a Russian are talking about their governments. "Ours is a free country," says the American. "Once, I was in Langley, VA, and couldn't find a public restroom, so I urinated near the CIA headquarters." "Ours is a free country too," says the Russian. "Once,I was in Lubyanka Square in Moscow, and couldn't find a public restroom, so I took a shit near the KGB headquarters." "And you got away with it?" asked the incredulous American. "Of course! Nobody saw it...I didn't even take my pants off."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 05:51 AM                        Rated G "Well,we're all excited because President Bush has started his 35-day vacation.He's down there in Crawford,Texas and on the first day of his vacation he went fishing.He didn't find any fish but he believes they're there and that his intelligence is accurate." --David Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 08:04 AM                        Rated G Michele There was a young teenage girl that was about to finish her first year of college.She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and her father was a rather staunch Republican.One day, she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to programs like welfare. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party and often went sleepless because all of the studying.She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of all her studying. He then asked how her friend Mary, that was attending the same college, was doing. She replied that she was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied. Was very popular on campus and was at parties all the time. She often wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over. He then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend that only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA. The daughter fired back and said "that wouldn't be fair,I worked really hard for mine and my friend has done nothing." The father smiled and said: "Welcome to the Republican Party."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 08:06 AM                        Rated G Janine Politics isn't too bad a profession.If you succeed,there are many rewards.If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 10:13 AM                        Rated G "Democracy, which is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike." --Plato  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-26-2003 07:28 AM                        Rated G Michele A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him. He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time, heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc. So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished. This didn’t have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government. Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor. Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m. He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him: "If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and won’t let me sleep." The guys continue talking. Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills. The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep. When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found. Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering that there shouldn’t have been any stops at night). The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys. Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested. The conductor answers that he doesn’t have a clue but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bob’s joke about the water and pills.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-27-2003 09:26 AM                        Rated G Michele The government says the $20 bill will get a face lift by next fall, with new colors and more security features. And to reflect the economy, the new twenty will now be a ten.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-28-2003 09:39 AM                        Rated G Taco Bell will run a poll on the California governor's race by counting food orders. Order a beef taco and it's a vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger, a chicken taco and it's a vote for Gray Davis. Make a Run for the Border and it's Cruz Bustamante.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 08:33 AM                        [b]Rated G Cybill Shepherd told reporters on Wednesday she made out with Gray Davis in Hawaii when she was sixteen. It's hard to picture them together today. This could force Gray Davis to acknowledge that during his youth he experimented with charisma.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 07:21 AM                        Rated G Alex Arnold Schwarzenegger was bombarded by questions Friday about a Oui magazine interview he gave in 1977. He told the reporter he enjoyed marijuana, group sex and the company of prostitutes. Now you know why his campaign slogan is Join Arnold.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 09:45 AM                        Rated PG Michele What's the definition of an Arkansas virgin? A girl that can run faster than the Governor.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-04-2003 06:55 AM                        Rated G Alex Cruz Bustamante,Tom McClintock and Peter Ueberroth are standing on the north tower of the Golden Gate Bridge for photographs when a sudden gale sweeps them off the tower toward the bay. Who will hit the water first? Who cares?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-05-2003 01:21 PM                        Rated G Gray Davis brought a news camera crew with him to church Sunday. Talk about miracles.Gray Davis was asked to read from Revelations and he just happened to have a copy of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Oui magazine interview in his coat pocket. --Argus Hamilton  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-06-2003 02:31 PM                        Rated G Here’s the odd situation Cruz Bustamante is in.He’s lieutenant governor,yet no one knows who he is,I mean,you have to worry about anyone who is overshadowed by Gray Davis. --David Allen  |  IP: Logged

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