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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 06:35 AM                        Rated G "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated G "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 07:02 AM                        Rated G "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore,Vice President  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 07:04 AM                        Rated G "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 07:06 AM                        Rated G "If somebody has a bad heart,they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 08:56 AM                        Rated G Hank in Simi Valley In the spirit of today's heavy political atmosphere... Does it bother anyone that the three most powerful people in the USA today are named: BUSH, DICK, AND COLON  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 03:32 PM                        Rated PG Lorraine Lenin is dying, and talking things over with Stalin, his successor. "The one worry I have," says Lenin is this: "Will the people follow you? What do you think, comrade Stalin?" "They will," says Stalin, "They surely will." "I hope so," says Lenin, "But what if they don't follow you?" "No problem," says Stalin, "Then they'll follow you."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 06:14 AM                        Rated PG Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2003 11:44 AM                        Rated G "CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America.Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-15-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated G "In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,'Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton,falling in love with him, getting married, and livinga passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.Then on page two, the trouble starts." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 12:46 PM                        Rated G "Hillary Clinton kicked off her big thirty-city book tour to remind us what a private person she is. ... She had a big book signing party at Barnes & Noble and, listen to this, the first fifty people to show up got to sleep with Bill." -—David letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 12:51 PM                        Rated G "Hillary told Barbara Walters that Clinton came to her bedside one morning, woke her up to confess and she said she was shocked. Not that he lied, but that Clinton even knew where her bedroom was." -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 12:55 PM                        Rated G "You know who should actually read this book, President Clinton. That way he can find out exactly what she doesn't know about so he can keep doing that." -—Craig Kilborn  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 01:09 PM                        Rated G "Hillary Clinton told Time magazine that she sympathizes with Martha Stewart because they're friends. Apparently, Martha used to come by the Oval Office once a week to try to get the stains out." -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 08:52 AM                        Rated PG A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?" The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and the Democrats told her to forget about running for president in 2004. So we're taking up a collection for her." The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."  |  IP: Logged

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