my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Political Humor (Page 7)

This topic comprises 47 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ...  45  46  47

Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 01:43 PM                        Rated PG "President Bush's approval ratings are at 58 percent and they keep dropping a little bit at a time. Here's the difference, President Clinton, his approval ratings never went down. Now, his interns on the other hand." -—David Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 01:47 PM                        Rated PG "Are you excited about this cloning thing? That company CloneAid, which has been doing all this research, made an announcement that they have been able to clone a Bill Clinton Jr. from a blue dress." —David Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2003 07:49 AM                        Rated PG The Secretary of State was visiting the President. The Secretary of State noticed the President had acquired two new dogs,and asked him what their names were. The President responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. The Secretary of State said,"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" Whereupon the President responded,"What else you gonna name watch dogs?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2003 09:13 AM                        Rated G Will Rogers on the Government and Politics * "I don't make jokes.I just watch the government and report the facts." * "With Congress,every time they make a joke it's a law, and everytime they make a law it's a joke." * "Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing,that don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous." * "Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for." * "The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected." * "The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office." * "The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that's out always looks the best." * "Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything." * "The budget is a mythical bean bag.Congress votes mythical beans into it,and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out." * "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics." * "Everything is changing.People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke." * "The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf." * "The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets." * "I don't want to complain, but every time they build a tax structure,the first thing they nail is me.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2003 01:47 PM                        Rated R Clinton and Gore Clinton and Gore are sitting around in the oval office, shooting the breeze. After a while, as expected, the Lewinsky situation came up. Gore says, "You know Bill, I just think we have different mindsets about things. For example, I don't believe in premarital sex. I never slept with Tipper before we got married. How about you?" Clinton paused and thought, then said, "I don't know Al, what was her maiden name again?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-29-2003 09:15 AM                        Rated G IF LIEBERMAN BECOMES PRESIDENT 1) White House brunches now include lox AND nova and a little kugel, some nice cheese, blintzes, maybe some eggs, but not too runny, every kind of bagel, and coffee...de-caf. 2) The Jackie Mason postage stamp. 3) Chinese food every Sunday night! 4) The White House floors will be SPOTLESS. 5) Christmas tree will have Jewish star on top. 6) White House doctor will get more respect than the President. 7) Oval office conference table will always have a coffee cake in the middle. 8) Kids found bleeding when Afikomen is hidden in rose garden. 9) Nancy Reagan China replaced with Bloomingdales meat and dairy dishes. 10) Inaugural Ball held at Beth Shalom Social Center. 11) Plastic covers on White House furniture. 12) Camp David moved to Grossingers. 13) Number of Cabinet members adjusted to make a minyan. 14) Men and women sit separately in press room. 15) Instead of a pen, every White House guest is offered a nice piece of fruit...maybe a sandwich. 16) Air Force One pilot sits low, with head below windshield, perpetually signals right. 17) All Mt. Rushmore figures get nose job. 18) At inauguration, Supreme Court Chief Justice gives President a Kiddush cup and candlesticks. 19) Balance the Budget? - Buy everything wholesale! 20) All military uniforms are changed because there's a MUCH better tailor who could do better work for HALF what they paid for those. 21) National Anthem changed to "Sunrise, Sunset." 22) We all have to go the White House once a week for dinner-and bring something from the bakery. 23) Martin Sheen replaced on "West Wing" by Gary Shandling. 24) New Secretary of State - Barbara Streisand. 25) National symbol changed from bald eagle to "The Early Bird." 26) Annual Easter Egg Hunt changed to "Find the Matzo Ball." 27) "Hail to the Chief" replaced with "Get A Load of the Big Macher." 28) White House interns -- shiksas only!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-30-2003 09:12 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee As income tax time approaches,did you ever notice:When you put the two words"The"and "IRS"together it spells "THEIRS"?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2003 11:23 AM                        Rated PG Sue Bee Can you help?? Washington Post - January 14, 2003 Washington, DC (Reuters) -- A tragic and sad fire has destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.The president is reportedly devastated - apparently,he had not finished coloring the second one. Send replacements and condolences : c/o White House Washington D.C.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2003 10:45 AM                        Rated G Whoopsey Daisy - Who Me! And I quote: "The last time I checked, the Constitution said, 'of the people, by the people and for the people.' That's what the Declaration of Independence says." Bill Clinton,referring to Gettysburg Address  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2003 06:02 AM                        Rated G "Former President Bill Clinton said he enjoyed the speech, not the context of it, just the fact he knew where Hillary was going to be for exactly one hour." -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2003 06:07 AM                        Rated G "U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?" -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2003 08:07 AM                        Rated G "Researchers have found that men in their late 50's and 60's have begun to have a higher sex drive. Do you realize what that means? Clinton's getting hornier!" -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2003 01:12 PM                        Rated PG Bigfoot *^*^*^*^*^ To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it" If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq. If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq. If the terrorists are frisky, Pakistan is looking shifty, North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq. If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq. If we think that someone's dissed us, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections, Let's look tough for the elections, Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq. It's pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq. To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq. They've got weapons we can't see, And that's all the proof we need, If they're not there, they must be, Bomb Iraq. If you never were elected, bomb Iraq. If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq. If you think Saddam's gone mad, With the weapons that he had, And he tried to kill your dad, Bomb Iraq. If corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq. If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq. If your politics are sleazy, And hiding that ain't easy, And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq. Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq. For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq. Disagree? We'll call it treason, Let's make war not love this season, Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2003 09:07 PM                        Rated G Janine JUNIOR: When you lost that race for political office, Pop,did you take your defeat like a man? HERB: I sure did,son,I blamed it on your mother.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2003 12:20 PM                        Rated PG Mr. John Hinckley St. Elizabeth's Hospital Washington D.C. Dear John, Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our Country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man. Best wishes, Bill Clinton P.S. Guess you heard Ken Starr is having an affair with Jodie Foster.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 47 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ...  45  46  47

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.