my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Political Humor (Page 13)

This topic comprises 47 pages: 1  2  3  ...  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  ...  45  46  47

Author Topic: Political Humor Leo Enticknap Film God Posts: 7474 From: Loma Linda, CA Registered: Jul 2000 posted 05-22-2003 02:15 AM                        'Plato? What's that? Greek washing-up liquid?' - John Cleese  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-23-2003 07:14 AM                        Rated G Saddam just got a coded message from Bush. It read: 370HSSV-0773H Saddam was stumped and sent for the Republican Guard. They were stumped too, so it went to the Secret Police whose Director suggested turning it upside down ...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-27-2003 06:08 AM                        Rated G FORM 1040 Ever wonder why the IRS calls it form 1040? Because for every $50.00 that you earn, you get $10.00 and they get $40.00.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-27-2003 06:11 AM                        Rated G Len in Georgia How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-03-2003 04:09 PM                        Rated G You've got this somewhat feared ruler of a nation of several million people, and he's sitting in a bunker somewhere in Iraq. After several direct strikes at bunkers where he was supposedly sitting at the time, he's either dead or alive. At the same time, if you talk to the right people, he's neither dead nor alive and both dead and alive. At some point, US forces will open the bunker, and as of that moment he will suddenly have been either dead or alive the whole time. It took billions of dollars, but the US Government has finally created a real life example that can be used to demonstrate the multiple states of Schroedinger's Cat. And the best part is that the experiment can be easily reproduced. With, say, Geraldo.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-04-2003 08:09 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:39 AM                        Rated G Baby Blues This is too sad to be a joke... The government taxes you when you bring home a paycheck. It taxes you when you make a phone call. Ittaxes you when you turn on a light. It taxes you when you sell a stock. It taxes you when you fill your car with gas. It taxes you when you ride a plane. It taxes you when you get married. It taxes you when you have children. Then it taxes you when you die.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2003 08:56 AM                        Rated G Bill Clinton was doing a crossword puzzle one day and asked Hillary if she knew a four-letter word for a woman,ending in U-N-T. "Aunt," she replied. Then he asked, "Do you have an eraser?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-06-2003 03:14 PM                        Rated G From Jay Leno: In her book,Hillary says that when Clinton finally admitted to her about the affair, she says, 'She could hardly breathe and was gulping for air.' I'm sorry, that's Monica's book. Hillary's book is called "Living History." Hillary says when Bill finally came clean about Monica, she was 'dumbfounded, heartbroken and outraged' that she had believed his lies. You know what they say -- 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 6000 times, shame on me.' According to this week's "National Enquirer," there's a videotape of President Clinton having sex with another woman. Actual physical evidence of Bill Clinton having sex with a woman other than Hillary. Is anybody amazed by this? Evidence of him having sex with Hillary, now that would be amazing! There is reportedly a video tape of Bill Clinton having sex with a woman in a truck, or "the bridal suite," as it's known in Arkansas.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2003 07:58 AM                        Rated G Alex One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law,a fellow who liked to throw his or,rather,his in-law's political weight around.The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any othertaxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking.He immediately descended in fury on policeheadquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey,do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly,picked up his telephone and dialed the mayor's office."Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that hisbrother-in-law is down here and can't remember his name."Rated G  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2003 09:08 AM                        Rated G Nan in Warwick Two Iraqis meet in Homestead, Florida.One starts to greet the other in Arabic,the language of their native country.The other Iraqi waves him away contemptuously and says, "We're in America now. Speak Spanish!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2003 09:46 AM                        Rated G Top marks go to the government agency in Scunthorpe, England, who updated their email system to use a filter which filtered out any emails containing profanity or obscene language of any kind. All was fine, 'til they realized that no one whatsoever had got ANY emails during the whole week since they installed the software. They checked through everything and couldn't find a problem... until one bright spark pointed out that all their email addresses, contained the word.... well,work it out for yourself.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 06:13 AM                        Rated G "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 06:17 AM                        Rated G "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-10-2003 06:22 AM                        Rated G "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 47 pages: 1  2  3  ...  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  ...  45  46  47

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.