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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 01:06 PM                        Rated G Hey have you heard about the sidewalk? No! Well it’s all over town!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 01:54 PM                        Rated G A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 03:24 PM                        Rated R What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? .. .. . . . . .Doughnuts!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 03:28 PM                        Rated PG "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 03:31 PM                        Rated G I'd never make it on one of those Surviver shows... Everytime I even think about eating something like caterpillars, I get butterflies in my stomach.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 03:38 PM                        Rated G Question:What's the difference between a King's son, a monkey's mother, a bald head, and an orphan? Answer:One's an heir apparent, The next is a hairy parent. The next has no hair apparent, and the last has nary a parent.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2006 03:48 PM                        Rated G Today Is National Mental Health Day! You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friends. (Well...my job's done!)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 07:44 AM                        Rated G Quirk It is said that if the groundhog saw his shadow, you'll have 6 more weeks of winter... If you saw your own shadow, it means 6 more weeks of the Atkins diet.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 10:19 AM                        Rated G Spaz A lady walking down the street one day saw a man walking towards her. The man was talking to himself, waving his arms around his head and jumping up and down three times. He repeated this several times. The lady asked the man what he was doing? The man replied I am keeping the pink elephants away. The lady replied, "Why? There are no pink elephants around here." The man replied, "I know, works great doesn't it?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 10:20 AM                        Rated G Spaz Signs That The Guy Mugging You Has Never Mugged Before. After taking money, asks if you want a receipt. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he's got skis and poles. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts on some Chapstick7. When he's done he says, "That was fun, now you mug me". You're a policeman in full uniform, standing right in front of the station house, surrounded by fellow officers carrying assault rifles. When you yell "stop thief". . . he does. During police line-up he waves to you and shouts "remember me". Tells you he wouldn't be doing this if Sienfeld hadn't been cancelled. He keeps saying, "You understand I'm doing this for the baby and Marla". Accepts IOU's...and phone cards.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 12:40 PM                        Rated G The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 12:42 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Larry: Boy! My diet must be working. Joe: Why do you say that? Larry: I can finally see the numbers on the bathroom scale.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 12:50 PM                        Rated G SHARP RETORTS TO "MY, HOW YOU'VE GROWN" "My, how you've aged!" "Yes, mostly through cell division." "Well, I've been eating for two." "Yeah, the coffee and cigarettes don't seem to be stunting my growth at all!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 01:15 PM                        Rated G B.B. The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate with a bit of stowed-away rum. He got so drunk that he was still a little drunk the next morning. Later in the day, when the first mate had sobered up, he looked in the ship's log. He read the Captain's entry for the day: "The first mate was drunk today." "Captain, please don't leave that in the log," the mate said. "This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself." "Well, is it true?" asked the Captain, knowing full well it was. "Yes, it's true," admitted the mate. "If it's true, it has to stay in the log. That's the rule. If it's true, it goes in the log. End of discussion!" said the Captain sternly. Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entry. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems to be in good shape. The Captain was sober today."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 01:34 PM                        Rated G Gas prices are so high that when this college girl pulled into a gas station and asked for 2 dollar’s worth, the attendant dabbed some behind her ears.  |  IP: Logged

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