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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-09-2006 11:47 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
This fellow who had spent his whole life away from civilization went to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he heard a screeching train whistle behind him, but not knowing what it was, he was hit — but only a glancing blow — and was thrown to the side of the tracks with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he was back at his friend's house attending a party one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard a tea kettle whistling.
He ran and grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeded to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the commotion, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had happened and asked the man: "Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The man replied: "You gotta take care of these things while they're still small." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-09-2006 11:51 AM
Rated R ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) popo
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I’d ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!! ...I tell you, I just shit my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-10-2006 11:11 AM
Rated G Bruce
These have to be original and genuine - no adult is This creative!!
JACK[b] (age 3) Was watching his Mom breast-feeding his New baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have You got two?
Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
[b]MELANIE (age 5) Asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any More. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must Look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to Six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I Love you so Much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside My bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4)had an earache and wanted a Painkiller?She tried in vain to take the lid off the Bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it Was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for Her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: How does it know it's me?
SUSAN(age 4)was drinking juice when she got the Hiccups? "Please don't give me this juice again," she Said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DI (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that Were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without Taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he Whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get Married. ?How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. ?His dad Read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife And flee out of the city but his wife looked back and Was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: ?"What Happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an Elderly, rather Wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for Awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your Face?
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-10-2006 11:31 AM
Rated G
What's Love?
Love... a small word for such a complex emotion. There is no simple explanation for it, because love is made up of many things. It cannot be measured, because it is a feeling.
All of the money in the world cannot buy love; it has to be earned. It does not happen by wishing; it must come about naturally.
Love is not an instantaneous emotion, but something that grows slowly between two people, maturing with time. Once love has reached maturity, there is no stronger bond between two people.
Love is sharing the good and the bad, the hopes and the dreams, the amusing times and the serious times. It is doing things together, yet leaving room for each to grow as an individual.
Remember this, and may you have a wonferful lifetime of love!
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