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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2007 09:33 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Why do some people hate to make chocolate chip cookies? It takes too long to peel the M&M's.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2007 09:34 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Why didn't Noah fish very often? He only had two worms. [ 02-05-2007, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2007 09:38 PM                        Rated G Lorraine This administration has conclusively discovered how to deal wit the deficit. It’s a skill, which requires addition and distraction.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2007 11:09 AM                        Rated PG to R Directions Please read all! 1.Start at LondonHeathrowAirport. 2.Catch flight from London Heathrow to DallasFort WorthAirport. 3.Hire car at DallasFort WorthAirport. 4.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles. 5.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for0.3miles 6.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North AirportExit" -follow for 2.9 miles 7.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2miles 8.Then continue on "US287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles 9."US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles 10.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles 11."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles 12.Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles 13.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles 14.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles 15.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles 16.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles 17.Arrive at the centre of town. please scroll down . . . . . . . . . . Now that's the fucking way to Amarillo! SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW .  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2007 11:11 AM                        Rated G Lorraine One day when he was seven years old, the prodigious Mischa Elman (1891-1967) was asked to give a violin recital for some family friends. He selected Beethoven's Kreutser sonata, which he played with ease and considerable virtuosity. During one of the piece's many pauses, one of his listeners, a kindly old woman, tapped Elman on the shoulder. "Dear," she whispered confidentially, "play something you know."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2007 11:12 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Jewel was all too familiar with the drawbacks of fame. On one occasion, she was recognized on her way into a stall in a public restroom. "Oh my God," exclaimed her ecstatic neighbor. "I'm going to hear Jewel pee!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2007 11:20 AM                        Rated G B.B. YOUR MONDAY GROANERS When the Post Office only delivers *some* of your packages, they call that Partial Post. Would you call a cow that plays the violin "Fiddler on the Hoof"? Some bankers are generous to a vault. I went to a convention for owners of Dry Cleaning stores. We all had to sit in bleachers. So when Vanna White married her husband, did they exchange vowels? I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2007 11:26 AM                        Rated G Joerome An atom walked into his local ale house and said to the barkeep "Have you seen any electrons lying around, just I lost one in here the other day." To which barkeep replied "No, I haven't. Are you sure you left it in here?" "Yes, I'm positive!" said the atom.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2007 03:04 PM                        Rated G Lorraine QUESTION: What concession earned $862,000 in five months during the Chicago World's Fair in 1933? ANSWER: The rest room...at 5 cents per visit!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2007 07:59 AM                        [b]Rated G B.B. "If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, you are all right."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2007 10:15 PM                        Rated G Diane in Reno fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2007 08:01 AM                        Rated G Marty "Isn't two hundred dollars a lot of money for a sweater? asked a customer. "Not really," the clerk replied. "The wool was shorn from sheep living in the most inaccessible area of the Himalayas. It's a truly amazing yarn." "And," said the customer, "you tell it so very well."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-15-2007 11:40 AM                        Rated G Sally Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped her car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder she said: "Good trade....."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-15-2007 11:51 AM                        Rated G Bruce Even the worst four-letter words are boring and predictable when used as an insult. Don't be a lazy linguist. Brush up on your Shakespeare! Thou damned tripe-visaged rascal! How now, wool-sack, what mutter you? I never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire! You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe! Thou art a very ragged wart! Viperous worm that gnaws the bowels! Pernicious bloodsucker of sleeping men! You are all recreants and dastards! A pox of wrinkles! I could brain him with his lady's fan! You mad mustachio purple-hued maltworm!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-17-2007 02:14 PM                        Rated G Lorraine QUESTION: What's the difference between Chinese food and Italian food? ANSWER: With Chinese food, you're hungry after two hours. With Italian food, you're still eating after two hours.  |  IP: Logged

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