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Author Topic: Women Brad Miller Administrator Posts: 17775 From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall) Registered: May 99 posted 12-08-2002 04:23 AM                     Not intended to offend, but you have to admit these are pretty funny.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 10:33 AM                        Rated R The Ladies at Lunch Mary: I suspect that my ex used to visit prostitutes before we met. Jill: What makes you think so? Mary: Well, one night we were just playing around, and he picked me up and headed for the bedroom. Jill: So? Mary: So I giggled and asked, "Should I struggle?" And he asked, "I don't know. Does that cost extra?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2002 06:37 PM                        Rated G The Ladies At Lunch Mary: I don't know what I'm going to do about my friend Rick! He's impossible! Jill: What's the problem? Mary: Oh, he goes for anything that is female! Last week it was Tanya. She dances in one of those clubs. Jill: Really? Mary: Yes! I said, "Rick, she's not good enough for you." All he could say was, "Did you see what a great body she has?" So I went a little farther and asked him if he'd noticed that she has blue teeth! He said, "Did you see what a great body she has?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 08:26 AM                        Rated G A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a braand set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse,yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 11:56 AM                        Rated G The Ladies At Lunch Mary:I think this gentleman I met last month is going to turn out to be a keeper. Jill: Well,good luck! I'd keep my fingers crossed for you, but I need to keep one finger free in case somebody pisses me off.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 05:36 PM                        Rated PG The Ladies At Lunch Jill: John's really getting into the Christmas spirit. Mary: Really? How so? Jill: Well, last night he said, "Let's play Christmas tree. You wrap yourself in lights, and I'll turn you on!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 05:24 PM                        Rated R Q. Why do women have orgasms? . . . . . . . . . . A: It gives them one extra reason to moan.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2003 02:14 PM                        Rated R SIGNS PMS IS COMING.... She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo. She considers chocolate a major FDA food group. She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom. She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles. She retains more water than Lake Superior. She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one." She buys you a new T-shirt --- with a bulls-eye on the front. You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,"All I ever do is give, give, give!AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?" She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2003 10:12 AM                        Rated G The Ladies at Lunch Mary: You know the belief about marriage is that you always have someone who will have sex with you? Jill: Yeah. What about it? Mary: It's a myth!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2003 07:54 PM                        Rated PG The Ladies at Lunch Jill: Other women tell me how hot their sex lives are with their husbands.Did you and your ex have one of those "hot sex" lives? Mary: Oh, yeah! We had lots of hot sex, just notwith each other.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2003 09:05 AM                        [b]Rated PG ......The ladies at Lunch]/b] Mary: Did you have fun on your date with John last night? Jill: I must have. This morning I couldn't find my panties!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2003 02:34 PM                        Rated G The Ladies At Lunch Jill: I saw my ex out walking with his dog the other day. Mary: Wait a minute! Your ex doesn't have a dog. Jill: Oh, right! Well, that's just a matter of opinion.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 12:23 PM                        Rated G Ladies at Lunch Mary: I believe there is some truth in the reincarnation theory. Jill: Why is that? Mary: No one could have fucked up as much as I have in only one lifetime!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-17-2003 11:37 AM                        Rated G Ladies at Lunch Nina confided to Rosey, "My cooking left my husband cold." "He divorced you because of your cooking?" Rosey asked. "No," Nina replied, "he died."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-22-2003 09:17 AM                        Rated G .......The Ladies at Lunch Mary: When I was younger, people used to call me a "party girl." Jill: Is that right? Mary: Yeah, but now they just call me an alcoholic!  |  IP: Logged

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