If you have three women standing on a street corner wearing nothing but potato sacks how can you tell which one is the prostitute??

The differences between your 1st, 2nd and 3rd babies.

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

The Ladies at Lunch

Mary: Does John like to cuddle up to you? You know, "spoon"?

Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.

"But he acts so stupid," said one to the other.

"I think he must have his brains between his legs."

The Ladies at Lunch

Jill: My ex thought he was "king of the castle.

"Mary: Oh, yeah? Did you show him the error of his ways?

Jill: Yep! I used logic.

Mary: Tell me about it!

A shapely female co-worker walked into the lunchroom the other day sporting a white t-shirt with the word "GUESS" boldly emblazoned across the front.

EVE NEEDS A MAN!

If God had created Eve first, what might have transpired:

After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. "How are things,Eve?", He asked.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful. But I justhave this one problem. It's these breasts you've given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms,catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they're a real pain."

"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals what, six? So I just figured you'd need half, but I see that you are tight. I'll fix that up right away!" and God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed, and God again visited Eve in the garden. "Well, Eve, how's my favorite creation?" He asked.

"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small oversight on your part.You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram, the cow hasher bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel so alone."

A fellow in a restaurant saw two doors, one marked "MEN" and one marked "WOMEN".

A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy!
***
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

First woman: I can't believe how boring my life has become.

Second woman: What do you mean?

I talked this morning with a colleague who is a postmaster in southern Kansas.

He was amused with an elderly patron who came in to purchase her daily single postage stamp. She is among the cadre we kindly refer to as our "one stampers."

Yesterday morning he offered the suggestion to her that she may want to purchase a "book" of stamps. Her response caught him off guard.

The Rope

There were 11 people hanging from a rope attached to a helicopter; 10 men and one woman.

The rope began to fray, and they decided one person would have to let go, to save the rest.

The woman spoke up:"Women are used to giving up things for their husbands and children, and men ARE the superior sex, after all. So it's only right that I should give up my life to save all of yours.

"The men were so touched by her speech, they all applauded.

"Ninety percent of women say that a man's looks aren't important.

So if she can't stand you, you know it's your lousy personality."

After her 90th birthday, Mrs. Marie found that shopping for
Christmas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send
checks to everyone instead. On each card she wrote, "Buy your own
present," and she mailed them early.

Sadie and Sophie are sitting at the kitchen table, bragging.

"My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami,"says Sadie. "She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes,and lots of boyfriends. "