|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Women
|
Kris Brunton
Expert Film Handler
Posts: 108
From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Apr 2000
|
posted 06-03-2003 03:44 PM
Rated R
Dear Tide,
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I
spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white blouse, as well.
I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!
I thank you, once again, for a great product.
Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 06-06-2003 07:51 PM
Rated PG ![[Smile]](smile.gif) From a www.film-tech.com female member
Words Women Use, and How They Use Them ...
FINE:
This is the word women use to end an argument when
they feel they are right, and you need to shut up.
Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take
out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING:
This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman
has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting
upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because
I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine"
and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes",
when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH:
This is not actually a word, but do men often
misunderstand a non-verbal statement. A
"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH:
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement.
"Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet
is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can make to a man. "That's Okay," means
that she wants to think long and hard before paying
you back for whatever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine"
and in conjunctionb] with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD:
At some point in the near future, you are going to be
in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or
reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have
done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be
careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint.
Just say, "You're welcome".
THANKS A LOT:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you.
It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way,
and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
tell you "Nothing".
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future
arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 06-11-2003 10:36 AM
Rated G PT
PRISON Vs. HOUSWIVES
In prison, you get three square meals a day.
At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your
kids to eat it.
In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.
At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your
kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and
clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest
lego creation.
In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.
At home,you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons
thanks to cable.
In prison,you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.
At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and
Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.
In prison, all your medical care is free.
At home,you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out
trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.
In prison,if you have visitors,all you do is go to a room, sit,talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.
At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and
clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.
In prison,you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.
At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's space,
too,and what the heck is free time again?
In prison, you get your own personal toilet.
At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in
order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to
know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.
In prison,the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty
clothes.
At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody
else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.
In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.
At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.
In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.
At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your
purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.
In prison,there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't.
At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 06-12-2003 11:58 AM
Rated PG
A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises
are there?"
The mother, surprised, answers,"Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases.
In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties,it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
Printer-friendly view of this topic