A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Jock put in a bid, and because his pricewas so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the
paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from
all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool.He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he
got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke........

LETTERS TO THE PASTOR

Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my
sister.
Yours Sincerely,
Arnold (Age 8)

Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson
has been a good boy all week. I am Peter
Peterson.
Sincerely,
Pete (Age 9)

Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something.
Robert (Age 11)

Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the
plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in
my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a
raise in my allowance?
Love,
Patty (Age 10)

Dear Pastor,
My mother is very religious. She goes to play
bingo at church every week even if she has a
cold.
Yours Truly,
Annette (Age 9)

Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I
know my brother won't be there.
Stephen (Age 8)

Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your
church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen (Age 9)

Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon where you said that good
health is more important then money but I still
want a raise in my allowance.
Sincerely,
Eleanor (Age 12)

Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am
flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie (Age 10)

Dear Pastor,
I hope to go to heaven some day but later than
sooner.
Love,
Ellen (Age 9)

Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team.
We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank You,
Alexander (Age 10)

Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Command-
ments. But I don't think I want to because we
have enough rules in my house.
Joshua (Age 10)

Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there
may be one in my class.
Carla (Age 10)

Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when
it was finished.
Ralph (Age 11)

Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad
people? Do you tell Him or does He read about
it in the newspapers?
Sincerely,
Marie (Age 9)

God: "Whew!" I just created 1 24-hour period of alternating light
and darkeness on Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

My mother always told me God hears every prayer," says comedian Mary
Armstrong.

"If I'd pray really hard for something and nothing happened," she
would say, "Sometimes God's answer is no."

When Adam came home in the small hours of the morning, Eve was jealous.

"But in all of creation," Adam reasoned, "there's no one but you and me."

An impassioned minister was visiting a country church and began his
address with a stirring reminder: "Everybody in this parish is
going to die!"

The evangelist was discomfited to notice a man in the front pew who
was smiling broadly.

"Why are you so amused?" he asked.

Sol strictly observed Jewish dietary laws. But one day he went to a
restaurant by himslef and noticed roast pig on the menu.

"Just once, I'd like to try it," he said to himself, and placed his
order.

The small pig was brought to his table with an apple in its mouth.

Just then, Sol looked up, and there was a member of his synagogue
staring at him.

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.He said "Today, church, I am going to say a single word and you are goingto help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whateverhymn that comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross!"

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."

The Pastor hollered out, "Grace!"

The congregation began to sing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

The Pastor said, "Power!"

The congregation sang, "There is Power in the Blood."

Then the Pastor said, "Sex."

The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.

The substitute wanted to know what to play."Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner."

The preacher was preaching with all his might.

The subject was sin, and he was most certainly 'against' sin.

A girl, with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much sin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front and sat down.

It was plain to the preacher that he had lost the men in his audience to this voluptuous sex-object.

Wonder why women get their period every month?

This is how it started...a long, long time ago when Adam and Eve were on Earth, everything was fine until the day she took a bite of the apple.

God got furious and screamed "you will pay this with blood."

Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend.

The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed around he said, "Brothers and Sisters, I don't like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner's wife, and if there is not at least $5.00 in the collection plate, I will reveal his name.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

"How could you do this!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"

"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"