An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but asses.

One day, a woman was walking her dog on the beach, suddenly, from nowhere, a large gang came up behind her. They didn't hurt her, they only threw the dogs ball into the water. Because the dog loved the ball so much, it went in after it. The dog started drowning. As the gang disappeared, a large German man came out as if from nowhere.

Two-Cow Explanation

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them sothey live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

BLIND FAITH....

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"

Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!"

Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded,

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"

And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

There were three mice arguing over who was the toughest.

The first mouse stated that when he got hungry, he would trip a mouse trap, eat the food, pry up the bar and get away. "I do it all the time.

The second mouse stated, "you know that stuff called "DECON"... I crush it
to a powder and snort it.

The third mouse stood up started walking out of the room.

The Panda

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the
panda went to sit down.

Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!" the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

"Why yes," the barman answered. "You're a panda."

"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in th dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

The world was stunned by the news today, of the death of the ENERGIZER BUNNY. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 p.m. last night.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going. "Pinkie" as he was know to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death.

Dog Days

A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

The lady replied, "Yes."

Man runs to the doctor and says, "doctor, you've got to help me...my wife thinks she's a chicken!"

Doctor says, " how long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?"

What do you get if you cross an insect and a rabbit?

The Top Pet Peeves of Pets

~Dog: They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl.

~Goldfish: Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes... Oh boy! Fish flakes!.

~Goldfish: The wimp-ass knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. I am lord. So I must continue patrolling!

~Parrot: Tease, tease, tease -- but do those greedy bastards ever really give me a cracker? HELL, no!!

~Dog: Human legs that just tease.

~Cat: Why are these people in my house?

~Dog: What the... HEY!!! Where are my balls?!?!

~Goldfish: "Oh, tap-tap-tap! *There's* a new one!".

A guy walks into a diner and places an order for a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

So, he gets a cup of coffee instead. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.

He asks, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. You can have it."

The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.