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Author Topic: Husbands & Wives Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-30-2005 12:51 PM                        Rated G Elaine Husband: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary woes of people you have never met? Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-05-2005 11:35 AM                        Rated G A man sitting at his window one evening casually called to his wife: "There goes that woman Ken Roberts is in love with." His wife in the kitchen dropped the plate she was drying, ran into the living room, knocked over a vase, and looked out the window. "Where, where?" she said. "Over there," said the husband. "The woman in the blue dress standing on the corner." "Why, you big idiot," she replied, "that's his wife." "Yes of course," answered the husband with a satisfied grin.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:15 PM                        Rated G Anthony While on a trip in India, my wife and I dined in an exquisite restaurant in Bangalore. I decided to try the smorgasbord, which was beautifully displayed and loaded with a multitude of unknown delicacies. I was savouring the last morsel when the waiter asked if I had enjoyed the meal. I told him I had, adding, however, that the yellow-green slices of a squash-like vegetable had not been to my taste. With great respect the waiter replied, "Sir, you ate the decorations."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:17 PM                        Rated G Gerry Husband with hand on television control: "Dear, do you have anything to say before the football season starts?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:27 PM                        Rated G Quirk "My wife sneaked up behind me while I was working in the garden. I was so startled I soiled myself."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 08:28 PM                        Rated G Wife says to her husband, "What did the doctor say!" "He said I should slow down." And her comeback is, "How does a man who has been rear-ended by a recliner slow down?"  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 07-14-2005 12:56 PM                        A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" She said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 01:38 PM                        Rated G Kathy I have been having crazy mood swings during my menopause. My husband bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods. We discovered that when I'm ion a good mood, it turns a beautiful blue-green. When I'm in a bad mood, it turns black. It also leave a big red mark on his forehead.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 01:41 PM                        Rated PG The seven dwarves of Menopause Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful & Psycho.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 03:24 PM                        Rated PG An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, We'll take care of it, ma'am" and yells back,"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-01-2005 01:08 PM                        Rated XXX Don goes to bed with his wife.He's not tired so he decides to read a little before going to sleep. Every once in a while Don reaches over and tickles his wife's pussy. After a few minutes of this his wife says,"Don,please stop tesing me like that, your making me HOT." "Relax'", Don says, " I'm only wetting my fingers so I can turn the page."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 01:44 PM                        Rated G An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, it's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 02:04 PM                        Rated G A woman's husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She thought for a moment and said, "This year I just want cold, hard cash for a change." The following day her husband filled her request.He put $20 in nickels,dimes and quarters into a quart jar,then filled it with water and placed it in the freezer. On her birthday he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2005 05:38 AM                        Rated G Michele Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed. "Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me." Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. He wouldn't be my type."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2005 05:53 AM                        Rated G While on their vacation in Nevada, a young married couple, picnicking by a stream, were surprised by a stampeding herd of wild donkeys. One of the jacks attacked the husband, knocking him down. The animal was standing over him about to inflict serious injury when the courageous young wife drove off the dangerous beast with repeated blows from an umbrella. Later on, they related the incident to the manager of the hotel where they were staying. He said that it would make a good story for the local gazette. In due time they returned home to California; a week later they received a copy of the Nevada weekly which contained the story of their adventure. Flabbergasted, the young couple read the following headline: "Bride Beats Ass Off Husband With Umbrella!"  |  IP: Logged

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