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Author Topic: Medical Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 09:05 AM                        Rated G "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "Was he successful?" "Yup, I had to sell my car to pay his bill."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-17-2005 04:03 PM                        Rated G FLU DO-SI-DO Choose your partners, one and all, Aspirin, Advil or Tylenol! Now fling those covers with all you've got. One minute cold, the next minute hot. Circle right to the side of the bed, Grab the tissues and Sudafed. Back to the middle and don't goof off, Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough. Forget about slippers, dash down the hall. Toss your cookies in the shower stall Remember others on the brink Wash your hands, wash the sink. Wipe the doorknob, the light switch too, Now you've got it, you're doing the flu. Some like it cold, some like it hot, If you like neither, then get the shot.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-18-2005 03:22 PM                        Rated G I have a lady audiologist and she is quite nice. While checking my equipment in her office she kept saying "bear with me. Bear with me". Finally I said "Are we going to take out clothes off?" She gave me a puzzled look and said "No!" So I reminded her that she kept saying "bare with me?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-18-2005 03:30 PM                        Rated G The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, 'A basketball coach?'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 09:23 PM                        Rated G I once admitted a lady in her eighties. In going over her admission health profile I was asking her questions to clarify the boxes she had checked. I got to the box where she had checked "Emotional Problems" and asked her to explain what she had wrong. She just sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I have had seven children. If that isn't enough to make someone nuts, I don't know what is."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 09:26 PM                        Rated G A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's the man lifts hiw wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 09:31 PM                        Rated G A doctor walks into a hospital room and stands next to the bed of his patient. "Mister Cooper, I have some good news and some bad news." "What is it, Doc?" "The bad news is that we have to amputate both your feet." "That's horrible! What's the good news?" "The patient in the next bed wants to buy your shoes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 09:33 PM                        Rated PG A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2005 08:44 PM                        Rated G A young man had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the reception desk and gave his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Oh yes. I have your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation; and I'd like the same doctor who did yours!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-04-2005 07:17 PM                        Rated G The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-06-2005 07:18 AM                        Rated G Betsy A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-06-2005 10:15 AM                        Rated G An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: Greens Fee: $200."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-07-2005 06:57 AM                        Rated G A miser walks into a dentist's office and asks the dentist how much he charges for pulling a tooth. "Thirty bucks," said the dentist. "Here's five," said the miser. "Just loosen it a little."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 02:23 PM                        Rated G B.B. HMO Plans "The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns - you only think you're covered."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2005 06:54 AM                        Rated G It is no real new thing this face transplant technology. For many years the women I know have been having it done. The real mystery is how they manage to get it done between when I go to bed with them and when I wake up.  |  IP: Logged

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