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Author Topic: Medical Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 08:20 AM                        Rated G After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient: Congratulations, Sir, you are cured. The patient says: Some cure. Before I was Alexander the Great. Now I’m nobody.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2006 01:22 PM                        Rated G A man visits his doctor and says, doctor, I keep seeing green Martians before my eyes. The doctor asks have you seen a psychiatrist? The patient says, "No Only green Martians!"  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 01-08-2006 02:40 PM                        Rated G... An elderly gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2006 07:40 AM                        Rated G Betsy As the pediatric RN listened to six-year-old Timmy's room over the intercom, she detected some sighs and whimpers. So she pushed the send button on the intercom to check on him: Nurse: "Hi, Timmy. Are you all right?" Timmy: "What" Nurse: "I am asking if you are all right. You aren't scared or anything are you?" Timmy: "Huh" Nurse: "Timmy, please talk to me." Nurse: (more urgently): "Timmy, please answer me." Timmy: (in a scared, small voice): "What do you want, wall?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2006 08:18 AM                        Rated G A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, "Don't listen to those quacks. Just wait until the autopsy, then we'll see who was right."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 12:55 PM                        Rated G The tough business man was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal." "Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman. "Do you want to write your will?" asked the doctor. "No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 12:59 PM                        Rated G The man told his doctor that he wasn`t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what`s wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You`re just a plain old lazy fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 01:20 PM                        Rated G A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'  |  IP: Logged Dieter Depypere Master Film Handler Posts: 343 From: Deutsch-Wagram, Lower Austria, Austria Registered: May 2005 posted 01-12-2006 02:10 PM                     RATED PG-13 A man wants to go on a safari and needs some injections. So he visits the doctor. In the waiting are there is a man screaming because of pain. He thinks "WTF is wrong with him??" As he's in the doctor's cabinet, the doctor explains, "I gonna give you injections against malaria, tetanus, and a few other things. The newest injection is against the 'Balooba-flu'." "Balooba-flu? WTF is that?" - "Well that is a new flu. You get extremely lazy when you have it. And your penis grows too, it gets very long, but it does not hurt." He still hears the one guy screaming and asks: "What's wrong with that screaming guy out there?" - "Well, that is balooba flu. He is sitting with the chair leg on his dick, but still too lazy to get up!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2006 09:49 AM                        Rated G Betsy The beautiful young lady in the dentist's chair was nervously wringing her hands, "Oh dear," she said, "I'm so nervous. It's so frightening. I think I'd rather have a baby than my teeth seen to." "Well" replied the dentist, "Which would you prefer? I have to know which way to adjust the chair."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 07:42 AM                        Rated G Popo Bernie took his wife Sadie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining her, the doctor took Bernie to one side and said, "I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your wife. Her mind has completely gone." "I'm not really surprised," Bernie replied, "Sadie's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:46 PM                        Rated G A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5". She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-19-2006 08:46 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Just once I'd like to say to that doctor, "You know, I'm not ready for you yet. Why don't you go back in that little office and I'll be with you in a moment. And get your pants off." ~~Jerry Seinfeld~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-19-2006 02:21 PM                        Rated G A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2006 08:20 AM                        Rated G Elaine Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.  |  IP: Logged

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