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Author Topic: Medical Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-20-2005 03:32 PM                        Rated G Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!" With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2005 11:13 AM                        Rated G LuLu While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden brown. Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn't reach it. The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast. I joked, "You must be an emergency room worker." "No," she replied with a grin. "I'm an obstetrician."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 04-28-2005 05:06 PM                        Rated PG A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!" The man slowly removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, "That was very nice, but listen very, very closely are ... my ... test ... results ... back?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-25-2005 03:01 PM                        Rated G According to new medical studies, exposure to secondhand smoke dramatically increases a nonsmoker's risk of getting heart disease and lung cancer. Jubilant tobacco executives say the new study proves without a shadow of a doubt that nonsmoking can kill you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-05-2005 05:24 PM                        Rated Grrrrr If it's true. Subject: : Drug Company Expenses (a must read) Thought you may all find this of interest. Let's hear it for Costco!! (This is just mind-boggling!) Make sure you read all the way past the list of the drugs The woman that signed below is a Budget Analyst out of federal Washington,DC offices. Did you ever wonder how much it costs a drug company for the active ingredient in prescription medications? Some people think it must cost a lot,since many drugs sell for more than $2.00 per tablet. We did a search of offshore chemical synthesizers that supply the active ingredients found in drugs approved by the FDA.As we have revealed in past issues of Life Extension, a significant percentage of drugs sold in the United States contain active ingredients made in other countries.In our independent investigation of how much profit drug companies really make,we obtained the actual price of active ingredients used in some of the most popular drugs sold in America. The chart below speaks for itself. Celebrex 100 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $130.27 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.60 Percent markup: 21,712% Claritin 10 mg Consumer Price (100 tablets): $215.17 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.71 Percent markup: 30,306% Keflex 250 mg Consumer Price (100 tablets): $157.39 Cost of general active ingredients: $1.88 Percent markup: 8,372% Lipitor 20 mg Consumer Price (100 tablets): $272.37 Cost of general active ingredients: $5.80 Percent markup: 4,696% Norvasec 10 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $188.29 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.14 Percent markup: 134,493% Paxil 20 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $220.27 Cost of general active ingredients: $7.60 Percent markup: 2,898% Prevacid 30 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $44.77 Cost of general active ingredients: $1.01 Percent markup: 34,136% Prilosec 20 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $360.97 ! Cost of general active ingredients $0.52 Percent markup: 69,417% Prozac 20 mg Consumer price (100 tablets) : $247.47 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.11 Percent markup: 224,973% Tenormin 50 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $104.47 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.13 Percent markup: 80,362% Vasotec 10 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $102.37 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.20 Percent markup: 51,185% Xanax 1 mg Consumer price (100 tablets) : $136.79 Cost of general active ingredients: $0.024 Percent markup: 569,958% Zestril 20 mg Consumer price (100 tablets) $89.89 Cost of general active ingredients $3.20 Percent markup: 2,809% Zithromax 600 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $1,482.19 Cost of general active ingredients: $18.78 Percent markup: 7,8 92% Zocor 40 mg Consumer price (100 tablets): $350.27 Cost of general active ingredients: $8.63 Percent mark! up: 4,059% Zoloft 50 mg Consumer price: $206.87 Cost of general active ingredients: $1.75 Percent markup: 11,821% Since the cost of prescription drugs is so outrageous, I thought everyone should know about this. Please read the following and pass it on. It pays to shop around. This helps to solve the mystery as to why they can afford to put a Walgreen's on every corner. On Monday night, Steve Wilson, an investigative reporter for Channel 7 News in Detroit, did a story on generic drug price gouging by pharmacies. He found in his investigation, that some of these generic drugs were marked up as much as 3,000% or more. Yes, that's not a typo.....three thousand percent! So often, we blame the drug companies for the high cost of drugs, and usually rightfully so. But in this case, the fault clearly lies with the pharmacies themselves. For example, if you had to buy a prescription drug, and bought the name brand, you might pay $100 for 100 pills. The pharmacist might tell you that if you get the generic equivalent, they would only cost $80, making you think you are "saving" $20. What the pharmacist is not telling you is that those 100 generic pills may have only cost him $10! At the end of the report, one of the anchors asked Mr. Wilson whether or not there were any pharmacies that did not adhere to this practice, and he said that Costco consistently charged little over their cost for the generic drugs. I went to the Costco site, where you can look up any drug, and get its online price. It says that the in-store prices are consistent with the online prices. I was appalled. Just to give you one example from my own experience, I had to use the drug, Compazine, which helps prevent nausea in chemo patients. I used the generic equivalent, which cost $54.99 for 60 pills at CVS. I checked the price at Costco, and I could have bought 100 pills for $19.89. For 145 of my pain pills, I paid $72.57. I could have got 150 at Costco for $28.08. I would like to mention, that although Costco is a "membership" type store, you do NOT have to be a member to buy prescriptions there, as it is a federally regulated substance. You just tell them at the door that you wish to use the pharmacy, and they will let you in. (this is true, I went there this past Thursday and asked them). I am asking each of you to please help me by copying this letter, and passing it into your own e-mail, and send it to everyone you know with an e-mail address. Sharon L. Davis Budget Analyst U.S. Department of Commerce Room 6839 Office Ph: 202-482-4458 Office Fax: 202-482-5480 E-mail Address: ">sdavis@doc.gov >> I was going to post this in Yak but I did not want to offend members.....but let you politicians have it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2005 12:36 PM                        Rated PG Andrew There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2005 05:08 PM                        Rated G A man who had been battling a mental disorder for years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. "Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?" The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful." "Marvelous," said the head of the institution. "Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists." "Absolutely," said the head. "Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution." "An interesting possibility," said the head. "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2005 06:32 AM                        Rated G The psychiatrist was advising the unhappy man. "Get a girl who likes to do the things you do," he said. "Aw, Doc," protested the patient. "What would I want with a girl who likes to whistle at other girls?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-07-2005 11:09 AM                        Rated G SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW DOCTOR - He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk." - Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts. - He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant." - After examining you, he says, "Now do me." - He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Brooklyn. - He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks." - His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel. - He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, "Doctor Jim Beam." - Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to go." - He tries to color your X-Rays with crayons. - After a rectal exam he says, " It was good for me...was it good for you?" - Your plastic surgeon offered you Michael Jackson's old nose at a discount. - Your internist thinks that "saline solution " is taking his yacht to Barbados for 3 weeks.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:26 PM                        Rated G A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 08:09 PM                        Rated G During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." Do you agree? "Noooooo," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 03:11 PM                        Rated R I went to the doctor and told him "My penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it." --Garry Shandling  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 03:15 PM                        Rated G What does a short sighted gynaecologistand a dog have in common? A wet nose.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 02:09 PM                        Rated G ASPIRIN OVERDOSE Jane calls the doctor, freaking out. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?" The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?" The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!" The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?" Jane says "No." "Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor. "No." says Jimmy's mom. The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?" Again Jane says "No." "Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor. "No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin... shouldn't I do something?" To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-17-2005 09:33 AM                        Rated G Bring this one with you next time your Doc makes you wait three hours to get in to see him : • Number of physicians in the U.S. : 700,000 • Accidental deaths caused by physicians every year: 120,000 • Accidental deaths per physician 0.171 • Number of gun owners in the U.S. 80,000,000 • Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500 • Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188 • Therefore, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. -- 1999, Benton County NewsTribune  |  IP: Logged

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