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Author
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Topic: Business
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-05-2003 01:31 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Lorraine
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call.
The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.
"Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."
Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it.
"You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your
oversight made me miss out on it?"
"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-09-2003 08:28 PM
Rated G Michele
My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,he would leave notes for the workmen,
politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights.
Two weeks before we were to move in,the floors still were not
finished, the bathrooms not tiled,nor were necessary fixtures
installed.I was sure that the work would never be completed in
time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us.
Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and
checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen.
Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last
note: "After September 15, all work will be supervised by 5
children."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-11-2003 12:46 PM
Rated G Becky
Advice for the working class:
1) If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours,work
nights.
2) A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.
3) Don't be irreplaceable,if you can't be replaced,you can't be promoted.
4) It doesn't matter what you do,it only matters what you say
you've done and what you're going to do.
5) After any salary raise,you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6) The more shit you put up with,the more shit you are going to
get.
7) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.
8) Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing
worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9) When the bosses talk about improving productivity,they are
never talking about themselves.
10) If at first you don't succeed,try again.Then quit.No use
being a damn fool about it.
11) There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your
car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
12) Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
13) Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
14) Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a
cocktail hour.
15) To err is human,to forgive is not our policy.
16) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work
he/she is supposed to be doing.
17) Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors
in the mail.
18) If you are good,you will be assigned all the work.If you
are really good,you will get out of it.
19) You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops
by your desk.
20) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
21) If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22) At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional
to the number of pens that person is carrying.
23) When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24) Following the rules will not get the job done.
25) Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the
rules.
26) When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more
easily by reducing it to the question,"How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
27) No matter how much you do,you never do enough.
28) The last person that quit or was fired will be held
responsible for everything that goes wrong.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-14-2003 09:42 AM
Rated G Michele
A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun.
The clerk, seeing that the customer was obviously very wealthy,
showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points.A bargain at $20,000.
The customer says,"No, not quite what I need."
Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points."A steal at only $7,500."
The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy."
The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model.Only $129.95.
The customer says "That will do nicely.After all,it is a small, informal wedding."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-15-2003 10:47 AM
Rated G
Working as a secretary at an international airport,my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects.
One day security officers were questioning a man when they
were suddenly called away on another emergency.To the horror of my sister and her colleagues,the man was left alone in the unlocked room.After a few minutes,the door opened,and he began to walk out.
Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there,and don't come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned,the woman reported what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released
one very frightened telephone repairman.
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Michele 
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