my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Business (Page 30)

This topic comprises 78 pages: 1  2  3  ...  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  ...  76  77  78

Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 04:03 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis. He called in his receptionist to show her. She took one look and said, "It's just like my husband's penis." "Wow, you mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked. "No," she replied. "That dead."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 04:08 PM                        Rated G Michele I was working in a photo store, which specializes in restoring old photographs,when a lady brought in a old picture of a man sitting behind a cow,milking it. Her: "Can you fix this picture for me?" Me: "Sure. What would you like us to do?" Her: "Can you move the cow?" Me: "Move the cow?" Her: "I want to know what my great-grandfather looked like. That's him." She pointed to the feet sticking out under the cow. Me: "I don't think we can do that." Her: "Just move the cow over,and we'll be able to see his face." Me: "I'm sorry. We don't have the technology to do that." Her: (getting huffy) "Well,I guess I'll just take this somewhere else."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-16-2003 06:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine SIGN ON A RESTAURANT WINDOW: Great food! (1,000 flies can't be wrong)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-16-2003 07:06 AM                        Rated G Michele I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?" Me: "Certainly, what width?" Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-16-2003 11:07 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Max goes into his favorite deli where the waiter immediately brings him a bowl of matzoh ball soup.The customer signals the waiter to come back. "Taste the soup!" he commands. "Why?" inquires the surprised waiter. "Taste the soup!" comes the reply. "Max, you've been coming in here every day for ten years. There's never been anything wrong with the soup." "Taste the soup!" "What's wrong, too much salt--not enough salt?" "Taste the soup!" "What, the matzo balls aren't fluffy enough for you?" "TASTE THE SOUP!" The waiter finally agrees, "All right all right, I'll taste the soup! Where's the spoon?" "A-HA!" shouts Max.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-17-2003 08:00 PM                        Rated G Approaching the counter at a local post office,I said to the stern-faced woman on the other side,"Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily,"I'm the Postmaster - Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 06:33 AM                        Rated G I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't" he replied. "Can pilots fly?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 06:35 AM                        Rated G A lady goes into a butcher shop and is carefully looking over the well stocked & iced selections. She stops at the whole chicken section and selects a plump, plucked hen by its wing. She carefully sniffs the bird first under one wing and then the next. Grabbing one of the birds legs in one hand and the the other leg in her other hand she takes a big sniff of the cavity. "Butcher" she calls out, "this bird stinks." Wiping his hands on a towel, the butcher replies, "Lady, could you pass a test like that?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 06:41 AM                        Rated G For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company.After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise,pending approval of the vice president. A month later,my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise.His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job.Every time he saw me,I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 12:06 PM                        Rated G Two young men are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding. “It’s ridiculous,” one says.“He’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26. What kind of a wedding is that?” “Well,”says the other fellow,“we have a name for it in my family.We call it a football wedding.” “What’s a football wedding?”the first asks. Says his friend,“She’s waiting for him to kick off.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 07:32 PM                        Rated G A man goes into this local place where bricks and cement blocks are sold, and orders 20,000 bricks. "May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter. "Yeah, it's going to be a barbecue." "Damn! That's a lot of bricks for one barbecue," "Not really; you have to consider that I live on the 18th floor."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-20-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated PG The budget-minded women was always clipping coupons in the young,lean years when she was first married, and even kept detailed records of how much money she saved. One of her first jobs way back then was running the cash register at the local drugstore. One day,she had a self-conscious young man approach the counter to buy some condoms.She noticed a dollar-off coupon on the box and asked him if he'd like to use it,adding that she and her husband had saved over $400 redeeming coupons last year. The stunned young man replied, "On these?!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 06:48 AM                        Rated G Michele I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she could get for her. "I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered. "I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger." From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make that two."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 07:10 AM                        Rated G : Michele Rex was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of Wonder Bras. The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and that he appeared to be having trouble picking one out.She walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance. Rex answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want her to be?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 12:01 PM                        Rated G A man visits a departmental stores and gets noticed by the sales girl that he is unable to decide what to buy. She offers to help and he tells her that he wants to buy some thing for his wife on her birthday. She shows some bracelets. After spending some more indecisive moments on them he tells her "er...but I don't know the size.." She asks him if his wife's wrists look like hers and allows him to feel them. He spends quite some time till she feels uncomfortable and finally asks... " can I see some bras too?"  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 78 pages: 1  2  3  ...  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  ...  76  77  78

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.