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Author
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Topic: Business
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-27-2003 05:03 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"
"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."
The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical
pencils?"
"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have
Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugs, "Sorry."
"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.
"Nope. Don't have that."
"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you
should close the stinking store!"
The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-27-2003 05:14 AM
Rated G
Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you,served you and cleaned up after you.All you had
to do was chew,swallow and pay.No longer,though.Today,you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese:
"Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for four?"
"Yes, Thank you."
"Smoking or non?"
"Non smoking."
"Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?"
"I guess indoors would be good."
"Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated
in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely
solarium?"
"Uh, let me see...uh..."
"I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely
solarium."
"I think the solarium would be lovely," I said.
We followed him there...
"Now, would you prefer a view overlooking the golf course,
the sunset on the lake or the majestic mountains to the West?"
"Whatever you recommend," I said.
Let HIM make a decision for a change, I thought.
He sat us by a window facing the golf course, lake or mountains.
I couldn't tell which because it was dark outside.
Then, a young man, better dressed and better looking than
any of us, presented himself at our table...
"Good evening, my name is Paul, and I'll be your waiter this
evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take your order?"
"No," I said. "I'm just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I'll
have the filet mignon and a baked potato."
"Soup, or salad?"
"Salad."
"We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm, or a very fine
endive salad with baby shrimp."
"Just a mixed-green salad, okay?"
"Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?"
I didn't want to make another decision...
"Whatever you've got will be fine."
"We have Creamy Italian, Blue Cheese, Vinaigrette, Thousand
Island, Honey Dijon and Ranch."
"Just bring me one. Surprise me."
"Creamy Italian is our house specialty. Would that be
all right, sir?"
"Yeah."
I was curt. I was done with civility.
"And for your baked potato?"
I knew what was coming!
"I just want the baked potato dry, you understand?
I don't want anything on it."
"No butter? No sour cream?"
"No."
"No chives? No bacon chips ? "
"No! Don't you understand English? I don't want anything
on it. Just bring me a baked potato and a steak."
"Would you prefer the six, eight, or 12-ounce steak, sir?"
"Whatever."
"Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium
well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly
it for you."
"Pauly Boy," I said, "you are really starting to get me steamed."
"Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you like steamed
broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, or diced carrots?"
That did it. I threw my napkin to the floor, stood up, put
my face right in his arrogant kisser and said, "How'd you
like to settle this outside?"
"Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot, the
side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?"
"I prefer right here."
Then I sucker-punched him: he ducked, then countered with
a left hook right under my eye. It was the first time all night
he hadn't offered me a selection.
I collapsed semiconscious into my chair, as someone in authority
rushed over and berated Pauly.
I felt my tie being loosened, my collar unbuttoned, hands
slapping my face.
When I regained my senses, I saw the very concerned
maitre d' right in front of my nose.
He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the paramedics,
whatever I wanted.
"No, no," I said. "I'll be all right. Just bring me a
glass of water."
"Yes, sir, right away," he said.
"Would you prefer imported mineral water, sparkling water,
or club soda with a wedge of lime?
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-27-2003 11:36 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Alex
In a front-page article on the Dutch company Schiphol's plans for
revamping the Arrivals Building at JFK Airport:The tile under the urinals in the Arrivals Building has that familiar lemony tinge;rubber soles stick to it.Over in Amsterdam,the tile under
Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room.
But nobody notices.What everybody does notice is that each
urinal has a fly in it.Look harder,and the fly turns into the
black outline of a fly,etched into the porcelain.
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom."If a man sees a fly,he aims at it."
Mr.Kieboom,an economist,directs Schiphol's own building
expansion.His staff conducted fly-urinal trials and found that
etchings reduce spillage by 80%.The Dutch will transfer the
technology to New York.
"We will put flies in the urinals -- yes," Jan Jansen says in a
back office at the Arrivals Building.He is the new Dutch general
manager,the boss as of noon today."It gives a guy something to
think about.That's the perfect example of process control."
His New York public relations attendant titters."Fine,laugh at
me,"Mr. Jansen says."It works."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-01-2003 06:35 AM
Rated G
The Carpenter
==============
Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell
into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of
farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and
goods as needed without a hitch.
Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small
misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference,and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on John's door.He opened it to
find a man with a carpenter's toolbox."I'm looking for a few
days work," he said."Perhaps you would have a few small jobs
here and there.Could I help you?"
"Yes," said the older brother."I do have a job for you.Look across the creek at that farm.That's my neighbor,in fact,it's my younger brother.
Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his
bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between
us.
Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one
better.See that pile of lumber curing by the barn?
I want you to build me a fence - an 8-foot fence - so I won't
need to see his place anymore.Cool him down, anyhow."
The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation.
Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to
do a job that pleases you."
The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped
the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for
the day.
The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing.About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.
The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped.
There was no fence there at all.It was a bridge.
A bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other!
A fine piece of work, handrails and all, and the neighbor,his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched.
"You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said
and done."
The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge and then they
met in the middle, taking each other's hand.
They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.
"No, wait! Stay a few days.I've got a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build."
~Author Unknown~
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-05-2003 10:51 AM
Rated G
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that
hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called
on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees
to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb,
cantankerous...or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our
employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being
shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout
when I yell at them."
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